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Non-Tech : The Critical Investing Workshop -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Dealer who wrote (19370)	5/19/2000 8:02:00 AM
From: D.B. Cooper	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 35685

It is the middle of the night We are at the twenty-five dollar tables They have changed the dealer She is showing face cards Don

To: Dealer who wrote (19370)	5/19/2000 6:04:00 PM
From: Clappy	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 35685

What time does Happy Hour start around here today? I'm getting thirsty. There's a lot of long faces that could use a nice long smile drawn on them. Dealer, would you pass me Voltaire's Lonworks Remote control, please. <Dealer Dudette tosses the remote to Clappy.> <Clappy presses a few buttons and soon floor boards begin shifting left and right, up and down. The sound of hydrolic pistons is heard as Voltaire's Porch begins it's conversion into Voltaire's Happy Hour Hangout.> <The Beautiful Mohogany bar rises up from the Porch floor, complete with barstools, and tip jar. Clappy had forgotten about the tip jar. He notices a few singles and a folded piece of paper inside. He reaches inside and pulls out the paper dated March 1, 2000. It reads, "Tip: Sell off some of your high flying tech stocks."> D'oh! <Clappy walks over to the Real Jukebox as it raises up from the floor. He inserts a few quarters and presses B-52 and bombs 'em with the blues. The sound of John Lee Hooker's guitar and whiskey soaked deep voice fills the air.> <Clappy puts on his apron and washes a few pitchers, slices up several limes and lemons, and begins filling bowls of pretzels, peanuts, and those tiny goldfish crackers.> <Dealer takes out her dust rag, flips it over onto the cleanside and begins polishing the long bar top to a fine shine. She clicks on the neon "OPEN" sign.> <A few of the Porchers begin walking up and smile as soon as they see the temporary changes.> <Clappy Pulls out a few frosted mugs out of the freezer and begins filling a few pitchers with beer and a few with soda. He then fills the blender with ice and begins making a strong version of Frozen Margaritas. He puts a a bottle of 12 year old scotch next to the cash register so it's within arms length for several of the Porchers.> <SheX walks up the bar with Rosie. Clappy pours a few fingers worth of Don Julio and chilled Crown Royale for the two ladies.> <JW and TG walk in and head straight for the Dart board. JW can't even come close to hitting the board. With each throw the dart sticks further into V's wooden house siding. CRDesign cringes as he realizes he will have a lot of woodworking to do to fix that. He sips his beer. Venke whispers to TigerPaw and they come up with an idea. They cut out a small picture of Alan Greenspan from the newspaper. R.Edwards takes it and sticks it on the center bullseye. Suddenly JW and TG become experts. They don't miss a single bullseye. JW fine tunes his aim and calls out which sensitive part Greenie he is aiming at.> <Cowgirl Ties up her one eyed horse on the porch rail and gives it a bowl of JW's health food trail mix.> <Dealer begins making one of her special Porch Lemonade concoctions. No one is really sure of her recipe, but it sure packs a wallup! It can even be used to remove paint.> <Polvie shows up with his Party hat on. He's ready to have fun. He begins entertaining the Porchers with a few of the neat bar tricks he learned. Giggles are heard as he does his bulging eyeball trick with two olives placed over his eyes (pimentos pointed outward) and pretends he is amazed or shocked...> <Detail-MD and Dr.Dave drown their sorrows in a few rock glasses filled with scotch as they console each other about organized HMO's, today's health care system, and margin calls.> <TL Comisky who wrote Im a good bottom picker glances around the bar area looking at who has the nicest bottom. Clappy and Polvie are immediately ruled out and disqualified.> <Eski and Jeff Smith take turns tossing peanuts into the air and trying to catch them with their mouth.> <Bonnus and Ol'49er begin to walk in and look puzzled as to what has happened to this nice porch. They scratch their head, order two shots of Goldenschlagger and begin playing the Video Poker machine that Dealer had installed.> <Gut Trader and Clappy chug down a few beers and begin seeing who has the bigger gut. Clappy's beer belly begins to bloat as Polvie walks over and shakes left and right. GT walks over to Clappy, admits defeat, and asks him if he'd like to trade his belly o' beer for a smaller gut.> <INTCfan turns on the television, put's on CNBC, and begins cheering for Intel to move of in afterhours trading. Go Intel, Go! Rah rah!> <Lurqer Dude takes a glass of water and sits in the corner by himself trying to go unnoticed. He enjoys the Blues tunes as he just stares at everyone without saying a word.> <A few of the Clown Killers walk in and realize that everyone is have too good of a time. They walk up to bar and Clappy pours them some Black "Beary" Brandy and tells them it's on the house. Soon the Clown Killers are enjoying themselves and begin joking around the rest of the Porchers. They trade in their Clown Guns for a few more shots on the Porch.> I guess it's a lot more fun than taking "Shots at the Porch"... <Voltaire sits back in his rockin' chair with some warm Irish Coffee, and admires all of his friends. He smiles and tips his glass to his angels.> <The Porch continues to get crowded as more of the regulars and newbies begin to arrive.> I think we are gonna have some fun tonight! <Clappy pours Dos Cervesas and slides them down the entire length of the waxed bar top and the stop directly infront of elpolvo, who signals back to the bartender "Muy Bien!" <Clappy eyes up his next customer.> Whaddaya have? -ClappyTheBarTender P.S. If you don't see your name up there, I didn't forget you. You were busy in the bathroom and I didn't want to bother you. :^) Everybody, kick back and have some fun. It's the weekend!