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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (14846)	6/3/2000 7:13:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Urinalysis One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor. Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money, Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor. So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: you have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints out the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant ...with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

To: John Carragher who wrote (14846)	6/5/2000 1:48:00 PM
From: Mike 2.0	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Re: Dunkin Donuts robber who filled out real job app...oh yes, people ARE that stupid and worse! Somewhere "America's Dumbest Criminals" is on TV, here is a story from that show I posted this a long time ago (another donut shop dumb criminal story!): A guy ordered a take-out coffee and, right after being served, then wielded a knife and demanded the money from the cashier. Later when the cashier was telling a cop what happened, she suddenly screamed that the robber was standing right behind the cop! The cop turned around and arrested the man on the spot. Why did the robber return to the scene of the crime? Because he wanted to get the free refill he was entitled to on the coffee! DUHHHHHHH Heard this quote somewhere, don't know who: "Never say that anything is 'idiot-proof.' Society will always produce a new and improved idiot." :-)