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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Alan Smithee who wrote (8903)	6/13/2000 7:48:00 PM
From: Mr.Manners	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Dancer DSGumby Wins $3.00 for Botched Buttock Surgery Tuesday, June 13, 2000 HOG'S HOLLOW (Rooters) - A former exotic dancer won $3.00 in a jury verdict on Monday after he sued his plastic surgeon from the park for using breast implants to enhance his buttocks. DSGumby, of North Miami Boulevard, Fla., accused Dr. Nasty Nathanc of negligence and malpractice in the November 1990 procedure. Asked why it took him so long to do something about it, he replied,'That damn Kasha stole all the TBird and I had to drink water. Water! Makes you think....' Gumby said that he suffered mental anguish and physical pain and was no longer able to earn $5.00 a night dancing in men's clubs. He now works as a bartender. Although just for fun he will wear his Famous Pink Tutu to 'liven up the joint.' In reaching its verdict, the civil jury in state Supreme Court in Manhattan decided that the doctor departed from "good and accepted medical practice," and was a "true hoser." "I'm glad we won the case. Breast implants belong in the hooter holder area," Gumby said after the verdict. Reeling slightly and emitting a noxious odor - numerous times - Gumby said he planned to investigate the idea of a 'head implant' for Salacious Solon. During the trial, Nasty testified that Gumby "knew what he was getting" when he underwent the procedure. He said he charged him $.65 to put the implants in and another $.15 to remove them several weeks later. Asked what had happened to the evidence Nasty mumbled something about 'Esquimaux needing earmuffs....' There were no commercially available buttock implants on the market at the time, he said. 'He's lucky I didn't get to Solon in time before he woke up from his drunk.' Gumby also testified, weeping as he told the jury how he had been disfigured. "I couldn't dance. I would have looked like a freak show," he said on the witness stand. He said Kasha offered him a job right away holding down barrels in the rodeo, and all he would have to do is pop up during intermission and he could have all the free pie in the world. 'That Kasha is too generous.....but shhh.. don't tell him..'Gumby said, amidst a clatter and odd thumps on the floor, sighs and blue flames shooting out the window in the next room.

To: Alan Smithee who wrote (8903)	7/16/2000 11:01:07 AM
From: Mr.Manners	Respond to of 12754

Kerpal Strikes Again Gun Safety Training 2000 Darwin Awards Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (28 February 2000, Texas) A Houston man earned a succinct lesson in gun safety when he played Russian Roulette with a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol on Monday. 19-year-old Rashaad was visiting friends when he announced his intention to play the deadly game. He apparently did not realize that a semiautomatic pistol, unlike a revolver, automatically inserts a cartridge into the firing chamber when the gun is cocked. His chance of winning a round of Russian Roulette was zero, as he quickly discovered. The Stooges Live..sort of.. Circular Reasoning 2000 Darwin Awards Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (1998, London) A £200,0 00 fine was levied against a construction firm for the deaths of two workers. The two 28-year-old men, reportedly experienced in their work, fell 100 feet after drilling a hole through thick concrete without realizing they were standing in the center of the circle. Neither was wearing a safety harness to arrest his 8-story plunge.