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To: VIPER85730 who wrote (35577)	6/15/2000 10:01:00 PM
From: VIPER85730	Respond to of 40688

Respectfully Cheating Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Jack says to Betty, "Betty, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Betty replies, "Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. "Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?" "Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it! Betty, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"

To: VIPER85730 who wrote (35577)	6/15/2000 10:07:00 PM
From: allen v.w.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 40688

Small Business and the Internet: An ASP Opportunity idc.com

To: VIPER85730 who wrote (35577)	6/15/2000 10:08:00 PM
From: Roy F. Baker	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 40688

Viper, OT: MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!!!!! I went to McDonald's. I looked at the menu and saw that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half-dozen nuggets. "We don't have a half-dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets but I can order six?" "That's right" was the reply. So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. ============ A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the internet and they asked for a credit card number, so she's using the ATM "thingy". (Had to be a blonde) ============ I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries . . . it's too long to walk." (Must have been the same blonde) ============ Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. ============ I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. ============ IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar. ============ IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" (Same blonde at work?)