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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Justin C who wrote (53421)	7/16/2000 3:54:04 PM
From: Rambi	Respond to of 71178

Cellphones!!!! What are these people doing in the store talking so seriously on their cellphones? A woman holding a head of lettuce in one hand gazes at it intently and whispers something into the cellphone pressed tightly to her ear. I yearn to know what she is saying! "This lettuce looks good- firm and green, no brown spots. Yes- yes.." she looks around furtively and grabs a tomato. "A little soft, but maybe-- allright- and dressing, do you think?" SHe looks at me suspiciously and bags the tomato, moving away. "I think I"m being watched. But I have the tomato." I wonder how I lived without a cellphone for so long. We lived so primitively. I just picked out a head of lettuce using my own powers of salad discrimination. I was very independent, now that I look back on it. I should give myself more credit. I picked out everything alone. Hamburger, catfood, laundry detergent. Of course this cellphone conspiracy has triggered an entirely new division of enforcement. At the one-act competition, they asked everyone before each play to turn off cellphones. During one performance, a woman's pocketbook started ringing and immediately several people converged on her and escorted her out; she never returned. Some poor teenage actor is probably motherless to this day. But I have no mercy; she was warned. I haven't figured out how to use ours, so I never turn it on. Neither does Dan. He always takes one to his ballgames, so I "can get him if I need him". But when I call, it's never turned on. He says he forgets. I doubt it. BUt the grocery store women are the worst. ANd they never hang up. They are still talking as they check out, and walk to the car, and drive home. It's very serious stuff too, they never smile because then you might think that they WANT to be this busy, this important. Now if I were on the cellphone at the grocery store, I would call my best friend, Jan, and say, "Ashley's mom is here, and she looks like shit. Whoever did her hair last week was on drugs!" and "Oh- there's Joann's son bagging. I guess they're making him work off his traffic tickets, he had three last month, you know, and had you heard, that he broke up with Ashley? Well, here comes Ashley's mom and she's intentionally getting in our line!" Gossip--THERE'S a good use for cellphones at the store. But what I hate the worst is some woman saying as she throws in some sirloins, "Go ahead and tell them we'll take the 2 million. I'll get the contract to them tomorrow." God, I hate those women. I would say to Jan, "Well, she just agreed to take two million, but her lettuce is wilted."