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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ilaine who wrote (53634)	7/22/2000 3:39:44 PM
From: Gauguin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

"Hey ~ Wanna have SEX?" I yelled into the hall. >>No you didn't.<< No, I didn't. But I DID tell the girl at Giuseppe's, "Your chest bounces a lot." (Facts are facts!) I should hve waited to tell that, because I hurried. I left out a good part, I wasn't awake two weeks, and some of the events are out of sequence. It's embarrassing. And maybe I shouldn't end it with that sentence. (But those are the inappropriate things what pop into my head.) Yes, I was fortunate. To have an advocate. You need them. I had one of the pulmonologists get pissed at me for asking what he was planning to do. (!) I think I would have died. That day, within a few hours. I had the evidentiary benefit of watching the machines, monitoring what was happening, and I was falling like a stone. I knew it was coming. Even though it was 4-5-6 AM, I wanted to call my wife, and have her come in, because I wanted to see her. I fretted and fretted about it, and decided to let her sleep til 7. I thought, I would like to spend these last hours with my friend. But I didn't want her to see me die, either. If I die in the morning, she will. So should I just quit now? Then I thought I might be scared, and would like to have her there to help me. And to say goodbye. This is it. Kind of a mess, dying. Nothing else much relevant. And even this, being in this bed, doesn't seem to matter much. Being alive doesn't seem to. Here, is where life ends. Didn't know where it was going to be. Or what age. But now I do. Am I going to know? Is it going to be sudden? Or am I just going under quietly. Drifting away, sans oxygen. Never done this before. All I have to do is let the muscles rest, and I will fall off. They're going anyway, because all the work they're doing isn't bringing them any fresh blood. No new fuel. No rescue. No air. I'm sure I could have died a few hours sooner by just relaxing. Just not taking a hyper (useless) breath. Woulda kicked the leg out. Getting it restarted isn't going to be easy. No; it's going to be impossible. Nothing to start with. Just used it all up. What can they add? The Machine, is Done. Flat. Washed out. Dead. I think we could run medical facilities better than we do. Pretty certain of that. And that, one day we will.