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Technology Stocks : John, Mike & Tom's Wild World of Stocks -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: wlheatmoon who wrote (1663)	8/3/2000 10:43:18 AM
From: wlheatmoon	Respond to of 2850

Whenever you are blessed to find yourself in one of the great southern states, especially the deep south and gulf south, remember the following rules : 1. Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day, so let them cook something they know. 2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mary Beth, and Inez have all been known to open a can of whoop ass for less than that. 3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a merciless beating. Down South, it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi. 4. Don't show allegiances to any college football squad that isn't a SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who get to play Utah every week. 5. Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner), better educated, and generally much nicer to boot. We've got plenty of business sense (e.g., Turner Broadcasting, MCI/WorldCom, MTV, and Netscape). Naturally, we can have lapses of judgment from time to time (e.g.,Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don't care if you think we're dumb; we know better! 6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit yer bitchin,' spend your money, and leave. 7. Don't order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will know you're from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended, and for God's sake, don't put sugar in your grits. (Mix 'em up with yer runny fried eggs...yummmmmm). 8. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot faster. 9. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you don't like it here, take your Yankee ass back home. 10. We don't play lacrosse, or any of those other sissy northern games, so don't ask about the scores. We simply don't care. 11. We know how to speak proper English; we talk this way because we want to and we can. It's like playing the blues; you have to know how to do it right first. 12. Last, but by no means, least, DO NOT try to tell us how to bar-b-q. This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa. You're dern lucky that we let you come down here in the first place, so don't push your luck! So, eat yer grits, spend yer money, and, for God's sake ---TURN OFF YOUR DAMN TURN SIGNAL!!!!! Yall come back now, ya hear.