To: hcm1943 who wrote (2914 ) 8/10/2000 7:20:47 AM From: cody andre Respond to of 3389 Tuesday Night - August 8, 2000 LENO Are you all ready for the Democratic National Convention here in Los Angeles? Hey, this is going to be the Olympics for hookers. They have been practicing for months for next week! Joseph Lieberman is Al Gore's running mate. He's a very respected man. He is called the conscience of the Senate. Isn't that like one out of a hundred ... like a piano player in a whore house? The Queen Mother of England has turned 100! I'm getting sick and tired of (using British accent) everyone asking how did she do it, how did she make it this far. She never works! That's how she did it. If I lived in a castle, never worked, and people gave me candy every day, I'd live to be 100 too! OJ is moving to Florida. I guess if he's involved with any slow police chases he'll be able to blend right in with traffic. OJ in Florida ... what better defense against Cubans swimming to shore? Just stick OJ there and they'll turn around! LETTERMAN Al Gore is living La Vida Lieberman! Everyone is excited about Gore's pick for vice president. Why, just today I saw two rabbis rolling a party keg down Broadway. Some Republicans are thinking Bush should maybe dump Cheney now. Democrats are so impressed with Lieberman they are suggesting that he dump Gore! MAHER Bush had a 17-point lead the other day. Now, after Gore picked Lieberman, his lead is down to 2 points! This marks the first time a Jew has knocked off 80 percent! Tomorrow there will be a double execution in Texas. Not only is this rare, but one of the death row inmates scheduled to get zapped is mentally retarded. George W. says he's just being inclusive. CONAN I didn't know much about Joe Lieberman. Like he is a very intelligent man. Did you know he has written five books? George W. said big deal, anyone can write, the hard part is reading! TV ratings for last week have come out. Seven times more people watched the reality-based show "Survivor" than watched the Republican convention. To insure this doesn't happen to the Democrats, Al Gore will be walking around the convention naked while catching fish. Recently at a campaign rally a woman mooned George W. Bush. She had the words, "Raise The Minimum Wage!" written on her rear. The handwriting was that of President Clinton!