OK last one
Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mentions:
"Genevieve ran toward the door as it slowly closed and grabbed Emil by
the lapels of his rain-soaked camouflage jacket, drawing him into her
warm embrace, burying her tear-streaked face in the nape of his neck
and weeping uncontrollably, as might a mother clutching her son
returned home from the horrors of the battlefield, a response Emil
could scarcely recall receiving from other WalMart greeters."
Randy Groom
Visalia, CA
(559) 738-9463
Randy Groom RRGROOM@ci.visalia.ca.us
What Mr. Cox really loved about psychoanalysis--he mused while sinking
into the overstuffed sofa which so reminded him of the bed he was
forced to share with his irritatingly precocious little brother, who
was nonetheless the clear favorite of their distant and overbearing
father, doubtless due to the superficial similarity provided by their
carroty red hair, in marked contrast to the long lush raven-black
tresses of his beloved and saintly mother--was the process of
free-association.
Richard Chadwin
Sonoma, CA
(707) 939-7042
chadwin@vom.com
"Well, Mummy," replied little Felicity in response to her mother's
chiding, "I know for a fact you are lying to me and that I was not left
on the doorstep by gypsies, as you are fond of telling me, for gypsies
are not in the habit of abandoning infants on the twentieth floor of
New York apartment houses, and furthermore there is absolutely no room
on the street for them to park their horse and wagon, so-when you are
old and in need of custodial care-we shall then see who has the last
laugh as I abandon you in a substandard adult care facility."
Becky Mushko
Penhook, VA 24137
Phone 540-576-3339
Email rmushko@roanoke.infi.net
Like her famous ancestor Hercules, Hercula always felt she carried the
weight of the world on her sagging shoulders & so traipsed from doctor
to doctor only to find one misdiagnosis after another - was it a tumor
the size of a pumpkin? an enlarged nymph . . . er, lymph node? and to
her IMMENSE relief, a correct conclusion came at last: it was merely
the team of acrobats from the Cirque du Soleil practicing their
balancing act for an upcoming world tour.
Patricia Melnyk
Chomedey, Laval, Canada
(450) 681-4098
Melnyk@emsb.qc.ca
It was a sultry August night in Seattle and I lay awake fitfully
listening to the dew on the roof, shattering the skylights in the
gazebo, whilst my beloved, Dr. Antonia Lippencott, lay in her thatched
boma, given her by a grateful tribe, kept from her well-earned repose
by the relentless puffing and adding of the puff adders.
Douglass Keeslar
Concord, Mich.
(517) 524-6824
dfinagle@frontiernet.net
Intoxicated, partly, but not altogether drowned, the cockroach made one
last gallant attempt to reach the frothy surface of Paddy O'Donnel's
pint of Guinness clutched with stoic determination by the dejected and
arguably oblivious pub patron who seconds later would send the roach
hurtling down his oesophagus as if shooting the rapids in a cascading
torrent of foam, observed silently, nay, reverently by the departing
crowd responding to the publican's punctual and expected "It's time,
gentlemen."
Stig R. Hokanson
Loganholme, Queensland Australia
hokanson@powerup.com.au
"I want some red roses for a blue lady," crooned Raoul, stopping at the
florist's on his way to the morgue.
David Hirsch
Seattle WA
(206) 283-0584
hirsch@defender.org
Sedrick Whistlebottom the Third observed with some consternation and a
modicum of dismay that no amount of adhesive tape could smooth out the
pained look upon his latest impeccably laid out client's face whose
body lay ramrod stiff through Sedrick's family's own 'secret' method, a
method which earned Sedrick not only much acclaim from his fellow
morticians but also accounted for the numerous broomheads that the
garbagemen found each week at the rear of the mortuary.
Richard H. Weiner
North Vancouver, BC
(604) 986-2159
rweiner@paralynx.com
As the tentacled creature placed its little sucker pads all over
Stephanie's scantily clad, glistening, and moist body, the young girl
shuddered both with fear and with anticipation of the pleasure she knew
she would feel when those little sucker pads were peeled off, and she
couldn't help but worry that it might ruin the tan she had fought so
hard to maintain, not to mention how she would explain all the hickeys
to her boyfriend after she returned home from spring break.
Debi Newirth
South Windsor, CT
newirtds@pweh.com
(860) 565-3493
Someone later remarked that the day had flown by, but to Werner Davis,
it had seemed an eternity, passing like a kidney stone- slowly and
excruciatingly- through the ureter of his life.
Kate Herr
Aberdeen, SD
605-225-2341
Pat.Herr@averastlukes.org>
Trish, lovely jelly fish of a girl, found herself floundering, drowning
amid octopi and squid, her arms flailing, legs akimbo, sinking ever
deeper, down to the bottom of 'Walleyed' Dick's exotic saltwater
aquarium, her ten-dollar admission ticket soggily clenched between her
teeth, as though she knew what she was doing from the moment she
ventured away from her group, now staring at her, wide eyed and
disbelievingly, with their noses pressed tightly against the glass
wall, making them look like the hog fish she'd seen photos of in last
month's Aquatic World.
Valerie Elson
Los Angeles, CA
(323) 662-1424
Valerie@Elson.Com AND/OR Silverlake@Magicplace.com
Jasper stared at the gleaming gem-like creature in his hands, a
bejeweled piscine perfection magnificent beyond reason, its shining
scales iridescent chips of lapis lazuli gleaming like the diamond-slick
surface of its aquamarine world, its glistening crystalline gills
heaving in time with the turquoise waves as it struggled to suck in
precious oxygen, its opalescent eyes pearl-like sapphires of polished
cubic zirconium filled with the long-lost secrets of ancient deep-sea
treasure, and decided it was time to bash its head against a rock.
Lisa Ryckman
Denver, CO
303-777-0890
"The password," Lord Chichester chortled, "is deceptively simple; you
merely repeat to the guard, 'Let the lady with the ladle thread the
noodle through the needle, while the fellow with the tallow puts the
putty in the pot,' and once you've mastered that, entree through the
Secret Sluice of Subversity into the Tunnel of Tenuous Torture is all
but a foregone conclusion," and with that he handed the video-game
joystick over to his drooling accomplice, gave him a prankish tap on
the sconce, and vanished.
Eric Stigler
Skokie, IL
(847) 674-9947 |
