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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jbe who wrote (85629)	8/17/2000 1:28:19 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Yeah. Why didn't I ask that? thanks- you are sooo much more succinct and pointed. I was insulted at the assumption we parents beat our children with the no-whip, never laugh or sing, and are incapable of understanding these old hippy theories and I wrote too much. I will ask Ammo when I let him out of the basement tonight for his airing if he really minded the way he was raised. I might even let him lead-- as long as he doesn't pull too hard on the leash.

To: jbe who wrote (85629)	8/17/2000 1:48:33 PM
From: Frederick Smart	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Jibby..... >>Fred, you quoted X's post in full, but you didn't answer it. Let me repeat/rephrase her questions, in hopes you will respond to them. 1) Why do you automatically assume that other parents (not yourself, of course!) rely primarily on the word "NO" when raising their children? And why, specifically, do you assume that when addressing parents on this thread?>> "I" didn't assume anything for anyone. I just shared my belief about the negative impact of NO. It's up to the listener to imply/assume whatever they want. If they chose to be defensive then that's their right. If they chose to enter into a open, sharing dialogue, then that's their right, too. No judgment. Just the facts. >>2) As X pointed out, you at first claimed that children should "lead", not parents; then you wrote that you lead your own children "by example." Two questions here: a. The first is related to (1) above: why did you assume that other parents here do not lead by example?>> Go to the above. "Leading" by example is a process which requires that we get out of the way and let the child assume his/her freedom to risk/learn/decide. I just believe the only "right" approach to take is to let the child embrace the risk while taking the responsibility for owning the outcome. We can easily slip into the trap of saying "NO" and letting a child take the risk, but then wanting to have it both ways - ie. if the child falls and skins his/her head we say "I told you....see, why did you do that???" This aversion to risk and wanting to have it both ways is just a derivative of this NO approach to the world. MY belief, period. If you read/assume anything into this personally, then YOU take responsibility for feeling that way. Period. >>b. Don't you see a contradiction here? If not, why not? jbe>> I hope I have shed some "light" with this response. Peace. .