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Non-Tech : Jokes #2 -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Hart who wrote (306)	3/22/2002 12:37:49 AM
From: Karin	Respond to of 337

A warning to all the Golfers This special goes out to all you golfers or try to be golfers, A Warning! Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then POOF!... she was gone. After Harry got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. "Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the pussywillow." Harry yells back... "DON'T SWING FRED!!!" "For God sake, DON'T SWING!!"

To: Hart who wrote (306)	10/30/2002 12:12:19 AM
From: Karin	Respond to of 337

Things to lighten the mood of the day, if possible. 1 Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary! 3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up and the drink spilled, and the ice -- well, it really chilled her mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling too. 8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. 9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can. 10. The only thing wrong with a beautiful drive to work is that you still end up at work. 11. Statistics show we're getting stronger. Fifty years ago you needed a station wagon to hold $10 worth of groceries. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry $10 worth of groceries -- now a five-year-old can do it. 12. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid." 13. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flag pole on a condemned building. 14. My neighbor was bitten by a stray, rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He replied, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite.