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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jbe who wrote (86069)	8/22/2000 1:32:28 PM
From: epicure	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Very perceptive of you JBE. I DO get the feeling Mr. Smart does not feel I embrace risk enough, since he keeps telling me to go out and do it. Since his notion of risk seems to be nothing more than living a productive life I am already doing that and I am irritated by someone telling me to do what I am already doing. I think that irritates MOST people. I hope YOU are not afraid of me. I do my best not to cause alarm or fear in people. Apart from the fear I might create by my own person I don't go around joining groups that create fear either- in fact I don't join many groups at all. Actually I find myself fearing (well, dreading, really) Frederick's posts- so perhaps he is CAUSING the fear he so wishes to avoid.

To: jbe who wrote (86069)	8/22/2000 6:25:54 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

There are people who, while apparently lacking in malicious intent, are seemingly oblivious to the negative results of their behavior on others and even when it is pointed out to them, are confident that it is everyone else's problem, for sure it couldn't be theirs, and so go right on with their irritating behavior. FS's post about how he reveled in every moment of his colicky infant's sleepless nights reminded me of an article I did a couple of years back about how I went without sleep for four years after CW was born, grabbing naps standing in the grocery line or while driving. In the piece, I mentioned the horrible mother-- every mom's group has one-- who would announce how HER child slept through his own circumcision and every night thereafter. I disliked her almost as much as the mom who complained that her Size 4 jeans were a little tight when she wore them home from the hospital after giving birth to twins, after I'd just admitted I still had a few pregnancy pounds to lose before CW graduated from high school. Aldous Huxley said, "I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness". I would say it's something more than boring, that it's irritating as hell.

To: jbe who wrote (86069)	8/22/2000 7:48:36 PM
From: Frederick Smart	Respond to of 108807

jbe.... >>Frederick, take another look at this particular post to X, and tell me honestly whether passages like the following do not make invidious assumptions: >>>>Very simple X. Just look around you. Stop creating fear. Start embracing risk which mirrors the joy and love of life. The more we risk and take responsibility the more we embrace the present moment the more energy we have to share with others. It's an upward spiral that keeps expanding. Try it.>>>> >>Two clear assumptions here are that 1) X creates fear; and 2) She needs to try "it" (embracing risk & taking responsibility).>> I was responding to the tone of her message. When I write I'm writing for myself, too. We are connected beings. I believe there's a common spirit. >>Here is a passage from a post X recently wrote to someone else, which should indicate to you that such assumptions would be incorrect: Power without the will to use it can merely be a recognition of the immorality of inflicting power on those who have no power to resist. The WILL to use POWER is what causes more problems than it solves, imo, and always has done. I rarely use POWER with my children. I have no WILL to get into a power struggle with them.>> I'm confused as to the context but there's power that hurts, takes and destroys. And there's power that helps, serves and uplifts. We all possess unlimited power to either destroy or love. You can be frustrated and angry but not possess the catalyst which moves us to exercise our WILL to take/hurt, etc. >>If you do not consciously make such assumptions, then perhaps you can save the day by using the word "one" (or "we") instead of "you" (As in: "One should look around oneself and stop creating fear" or "We should all look around ourselves and stop creating fear.") Sounds clumsy and pretentious, perhaps, but at least the addressee would not take personal offence. Again, on my own assumption that you really do not want to give personal offence, perhaps you should stop talking so much about your own experiences and start displaying an interest in the experiences of others. How can you "learn" from others on this board, if you don't know, or even appear to care, what kind of people they actually are, what kind of views they actually hold, how they differ from one another?>> I agree. >>Your "one size fits all" approach doesn't allow for these differences, and gives the impression you are talking to an undifferentiated audience, not to an individual. Make fewer pronouncements, and ask more questions. jbe>> I just feel we all have so much in common with each other. I write in generalities for I feel like we are all part of the same family. And if you boil down our personal experiences I think the same core values and beliefs are either touched upon or challenged. The responsibility we all have to be happy and joyful is just one simply example. By writing this I am not proclaiming myself perfect nor am I making any specific assumptions about the state of others. I realize "One size fits all" causes eyes to roll and comes across simple and stupid to a lot of folks. This is simply energy from my heart. No offense. As for personal interests and information, I believe in taking risks to expose oneself first. Most people like to sit on the sidelines and point fingers. I'm not saying they are bad or good. It's just an overriding nature for most people. They get into comfort zones and end up back scratching/feeding off others. Then for alot of groups, there's this mutual agenda of blaming, pointing and judging others which feeds more energy into the clique, supporting the negative paradigm. In a virtual community it's easier to uncover these agendas. Either the energy is positive or it's negative. Pretty simple. And we don't have to get caught up in our shorts. If you believe we are all related and connected in some way, then a lot of these positions disappear and we can more readily move to create more value, energy and trust in the world. Thanks for sharing. And don't take what I say as being offensive. Perhaps if you and others met me personally your opinion would change. I'm not interested in a popularity contest. I just believe we all have so much more to share with each other. Peace. .