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Strategies & Market Trends : Market Gems:Stocks w/Strong Earnings and High Tech. Rank -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susan G who wrote (112539)	8/26/2000 7:12:46 AM
From: lee kramer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 120523

I pride myself on a solid emotional maturity, a certain "sang froid" as it were; always cool under extreme pressure when all about me are losing their heads; maintaining an even keel when the market seas are roiling with mountainous waves that crash and toss overboard the poor unfortunates who are, as it were, less stable. Armed thus with this stolid cadre of admirable resources I confronted Dortmunder this morning prior to my regular Saturday session with my shrink...the former Aerosmith roadman...Doc Kronkite. Dortmunder, as you might recall, refused me this past week access to his computer when my computer went down harder than EMLX yesterday. Taking matters into my own hands when son-in-law Danny was slow in repairing ("piece a cake" said Danny FOUR days ago) my reluctant, recalcitrant and suddenly narcoleptic laptop...I sallied forth to the closest computer store, forty hard miles away, and purchased a new laptop. "What's that under your arm?" Dortmunder inquired in that smarmy clipped British accent that he affected upon my return. "Got me a new computer" I said cooly. "You're always getting a new computer. The problem dear chap is not in the computer. The problem is you. What you should do is find a ten-year old...any ten year old to teach you how to use a computer." "YOU might have helped me out" I snapped. "I did" "You didn't" "Did so" "Did not" "Your mother wears combat boots." he shouted. "You're a monkey's uncle." I shot back. I threw a banana at the little guy with the 187 IQ. With blinding speed he snared it backhanded, like Nomar going deep into the hole at shortstop to rob an opposing batter of a sure hit. Then he reached over, grabbed a scone and whipped it at me. As I wiped the scone from my ear I told him that until a proper apology was offered we were no longer trading partners. I slammed the door as I left and made it to Doc Kronkite's in record time. As I walked into the office I was pleased to see the leggy, sexy Thelma Tushbumper...the doc's "receptionist." "Come here" she beckoned in that throaty, whisky voice that always set my heart to ploppitating and turning my knees to jello not yet set. She was REACHING for me, pulling me close to her bosom, enclircling me with an arm. My wildest fantasy was gonna happen! "What's this schmutz all over your ear?" she asked. I wilted faster than Bausch & Lomb after their disappointing earnings announcement. "Oh" I mumbled, "Dortmunder's last scone." "Go wash it off. You don't want doctor to see you wearing a scone. He'll find it symbolic and start you in on free-association, Prozac, and regression analysis. Do you really want to travel back to when you were five years old? And whatever you do, do not mention EMULEX to the doctor. I removed the scone and was ushered into the doc's office. He had a blueberry-muffin in his ear and appeared to be sobbing while tearing sizeable clumps of hair from his egg-shaped head. "EMULEX huh?" I asked, not unsympathetically. He stuffed a blueberry muffin in his other ear. "I didn't hear that" he wailed. "Never mention that stock again. My patient, Mendelbaum-the-Fund-Manager put me into that one last Monday. When I asked where to place my stop he said "Stop, schmop. You wanna hold this baby."" "Gee doc, that's awful" I said. "Were you able to get out? Did you get hurt?" "Did Kelly on 'Survivors' get hurt when Sue laced into her? Did Goldfinger get hurt when he got sucked out of the plane at 31,000 feet with no parachute? Did Jimmy Hoffa get hurt? Yes I got hurt. When I couldn't take the pain I called Mendelbaum and told him to sell. He got me $44. Do you know where it closed?" he cried stuffing a blueberry muffin into his pocket. "I know doc. Say doc, I got me a new computer." "Another computer you got? How many is that this year, five, six? Why don't you find an eight year-old to teach you how to use a computer?" "Doc, can we start my therapy? I have some issues." "Issues schmissues. That stock Mendelbaum put me in gave me a terrible rash, a bout of insomnia and a severe case of locked bowels...not to mention a return of the vapors." "Gee doc, that's terrible. Why don't you lie down on the couch, maybe I can help you." The doc shuffled over to the lumpy couch where I'd been sitting and lay heavily down. "Say doc, how 'bout we do some free-association, regression therapy and maybe take some Prozac. Then we'll talk about stop orders and I'll even give you Jenna's watch list so you can make it all back." "Sounds good to me boobeleh, sounds good to me." Lee Kramer