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Pastimes : Dr. Id's SI Addiction Room -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: unclewest who wrote (63)	9/9/2000 11:18:59 PM
From: Uncle Frank	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 414

Gift each family $50K, and have them use the money to add a guest wing to their homes for your use. Keep your place in Florida and live there 40 weeks a year. Visit NC and CA twice a year each for 3 weeks at a shot. You'll be comfortable in the guest wing. They'll be happy to see you. You'll be happy you didn't move. uf

To: unclewest who wrote (63)	9/10/2000 1:40:22 AM
From: Dr. Id	Respond to of 414

i need help... i have 2 young grandkids in LA who barely know me...but the older (2 yrs) calls me all the time to talk, giggle, listen, etc....the parents keep asking me to move nearby. i have 3 older grandkids in N.C....8, 12, 16... two of them call everyday to read with me. i let them or a teacher pick a book and use amazon to send a copy to them and me. i also do math workbooks with one of them...they visit me 1 or 2x a year sans parents for hiking, fishing, disney, NASA, museum visits, etc. they and their parents are asking me to move to NC. the older is straight A student and wanted to visit campuses his last visit. i have no ties to florida...but i do like it here. i need ideas... What about changing your phone number and unlisting it. Or tell them that you don't want to move nearby. Dr.Id@Iguessspecialforcesnevertaughtyouassertivenesstraining.com

To: unclewest who wrote (63)	9/10/2000 8:55:37 AM
From: cooksbay95	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 414

unclewest, followed your trip journal with interest earlier this year ... in fact just re-read your 5/22/00 posting ... my wife and I (in North Naples, moving soon to Bonita Springs) were certainly stimulated to visit Oregon and enjoy what you enjoyed. Anyway that's just by way of an introduction to allow me to respond with a few thoughts to your "help" request. Of course it's always easier to say what NOT to do ... but in this case I believe it's very important - Do NOT move close to either family (particularly if the parents are asking ... unless of course the parents are handicapped in some serious way). Why? It is vital that the parents are parents and that the children are the children of their parents. Do not give either parents or grandkids the excuse to avoid those responsibilities to each other. OR ... make sure you stay a grandparent and don't become a parent. It's easier being a grandparent and it's easier being a grandchild ... and it should be. I just have a feeling that you are such a terrific grandparent that you could unintentionally slide into being a parent in one or other of the situations. - Accordingly your strategy of being available regularly by phone, email, IMessaging, and soon by teleconf/videocaming spiced by 2-4 visits a year (some with and some without parents around) is great ... it builds the relationships without hindering the even more important ones. It also avoids siding with either the Calif or Carolinas families and whatever complications that might bring. - A somewhat separate thought ... At 57 and "retired" (silly word ... I mean I don't have to work for a Fortune 100 Co anymore or anyone else .. but I'm busier than ever) I am much better with my Grandkids than I was with my kids ... why better? Because I'm not into myself as much as I was 20 yrs ago ... now I'm not as excitable about what's right or wrong, or appropriate or not appropriate ... it's a wonderful time of life ... particularly when I can shove aside my internet addiction and go and catch a couple of snook before breakfast. Anyway .. the tolerance that comes with maturity (or is it senility I've got?)is wonderful for your Grandkids (and for your adult kids) and it just feels to me that you've got it balanced pretty darn well. Let me quickly add that I have no qualifications to support the above other than having lived a terrific 57 yrs ... there are certainly many more learned people around .. hope it's helpful. I could still listen to a totally opposite point of view! Love CREE, SEBL, EMC, JDSU, ELON and ARBA. Well I've been going to send you some comments on many subjects for many moons ... finally got off my ass and did it.