A bit 'o Levity -- What if Jefferson had posted the Declaration of Independence to an Internet board rather than using a quill pen?
TE DEC7ARATION O 1NFPEND3|\|CE ACTIONO F SECOND CONTINENTAL CONGRESS, JULY 4,1 &76 THE UNANIMOUZ DEcL4RATIONM
0F THE THIRTEEN NUITED STSATES OF AMERICA
WHEN IN TEH cOURSE IF HUMAn EVENTS, iT BECOMEs N3CESSARYF OR ON EDEWDZ
TO IDDSSOLVE TEHP OLITICAL BaNDS WHICH HAVE CONMECTED TEHMN WITH ANOTH3R, AND TO ASUSME AMONG T3H POWERS
OF THE EARTH, TeH sEPARAYTE AND EQUAL STATION TO WHICH THE LAWS OF NTAURE SAND OF NATuREWZG OD ENYTITLD THEM A
DECENT RESPEcT TO TEH OPINIOnS OF ,ANKIOND REQUIR3S TAT TEHY SHOULD DeCLR TEH CAUSES WHICH IMPeL TEH/\/\ TO T3H
SEPASRATIoN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~
wew ho7sd tehse truthst o be Self-evident, that al7 nmen r created equal, that tehY 4r endowed bt tejhoiR creatro with
c4rtain unaldeinab7e r1ghts, that among thes3 r life ,libaRtya nd The pursuit 0f ahppoiness -- thart tos3cvue thEsdE rights, governmentz ar3 institUted among men,
dariving ethir just powers fOrm th3 consejnt of teh govrened, that whemneevr any form of gopvernnent becomexz destriuctiev of tehsE ensd, it si thE rifht Of teh
dewdzt0 alt3r or to abolish it, anD to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and ogranizing its opow3rs in such f0rm, as To the mshall
sem most lcik7y to EFfdect th3ir safety and ahpiness.. llololollolo... prudemncew, indeed, wll dictate that goevrNMentz lonfg esatBlished should not be chAnged for
light an dtarnseint cuzs; and accordingyl all eXpereincde Hathshewn, th4t M4nkinmd are mroe dispsed ttO suffAr, while efvilz ar suffer4ble, than to right tehmselvez
by ab0lishing teh forms t which thy are accustome oolololololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ ololololololololololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~ but whee|\| a long t rain of aguses
adn usurpationz, pursuing invaraibly Teh sa/\/\e objeCt, evinces a design t0 reduce th3m undar absolUtee desp0tism, it si their right, 1t is tehir duty, to throwo ff suc
hgovv4rnemnt, and to pRovide new gu4rdz for their dfuutre security scuh h4s b3en teh p4te1nrt suffaarnc3 0f these colneis;; and suCh is now the Necess1ty which
constrainz them to 4Lter their foRmer systeMs of government~ TEH HiSTROY OF TEH PREASENT KING OF GR8- BRITAIn IS SA HISTROIY FO
REPE8D INJUREIS AND USURPATI0NZ, ALL AHVUNG IN DIECT OBJECT tEH ERSTBALISHMEN TOFF 4N ABSO7UET TYRANNNY OVER
TEHSE STATES,, TO PORV3 TH1S, LET FACTZ Be SDUBMiTRTED TO A CANDI WROLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~ hed ahs eefused his assent to laWs,
teh most wHolesom3 and necessary fro the pub7ic good TH3I RIS A RATI0 dONt RIP3 ME OFF!!!!!1~~~~~~ OLOLL.. hE ahhs frobidden his gov3rnorz t0
pass lqawS of immedite and pressing I/\/\protance, unelss suspenDedi n thei roparation t1l His 4ssenrt shoUld be obtaiNed; and When so suspendwD, he sahS
rtteryl neglewcted to atTend t0 teh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~ HE AHS REfUSED T OPASS OTHRE LAWS FTRO TH EACCOMMODATION OF LARGE
1STRICTZ OF EDWDZZ, UNLESS TOSE L4MERZ WOULD RRLINQUISJH TEH RIGHT OF REPREASENTatION IN TEH LEGSILATURE, A R1gHT
IEST1MABlE TO TEHM, AND FROMIDABL3 TO TYrANTS ONLY.. hrh 4s called toGether lleg1slative boedIs at placez unusuazl, uncoMfortable, and
ddisatn tfrom teh depositro of their public Rercods, for teh Soole purpose of f4tiguing tehm into complIacne with his me4sur3s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ he has
dissolved repReasentative house zrepetelY, fro opoposinG wioth manly fIrmness his invas1ons on teh rightz of the d00dz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~ HE ASH
EFUSED FRo AS L0NG TIME, FTER SUCH DISsOLUTIONS, TO CUZ ORTEHrZ T0 BE ELECT3;DW HEREBY EJ LEgISLATVIEP OWARS,
INCLAPABLRE OF THE ANNIHILATION, HAVE RETuR|\|ED TO TEH D00DZA T 7ARGE FoR HEIR EXARCISE; THWE sT4TE REMAiN1NG IN
TEH MRAN TI/\/\E EXPOSED TO ALL tHE DASNGASR OFI NVASION FROOM WITHOUT, AND YTHE CONUVLSOINS WITHIN~~~~~ HE HAS
END3AVOURED TO PREVENT ThE POPUL4TIION OF TEHSE STATES; FRO THTA PURPOSE OBSTRUCTINg TH3 ALWSF RO
NATURALIZATION OF FORRIEGnERS; REFUSING OT PASS OTHErS TO eNCOURAGE THEIR M1RG4TIONS HITHER,, 4ND RASISING THE
CONDITIONs OF NEW APPROPRIATIONS PF LANDS LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO~~~ he hhas ovbstructed the 4dministrta1no 0f jsutice, by refusi|\|g
hisa ssaent t0 laws fotr estab7ishniG judiciatry powers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 LOLOOLOLOLOLLOLOL!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~ HHE HAS MADE JUDGEZ
D3PENDEnT ON IS \\\\////\\\\////ILL ALONE, FRO TEH T3NURE OF TEHIR 0FFICEZ, AND THE AMOUNT AND PAYMENT OF TH3IR
SALAREIS~~~~ lool he has 3rected a mlut1tdue of mew oFfices, and ase|\|t hith3r swRms of officerz TO hjarrass our fd00dez, and eat out tehir subsrance/ he has
kept am0mng ua, ni t1mEs of peace, standing armeis,w ithout teh cionsent of our l;eg1slaturez... he ahz affected to render teh mil1tary independ3nt of a|\|d SUp3ririo
oteh iviL p0wer.. HE HaZ COMB1NED WITH OTHERSTO SUBBJ3CT IS TO A JUrISDICTION FROIEGNTO OUR CONSTITUTION, ADN
UNAX0TNOWELDGED Y OUR LAWS; GIV1NG HIS ASS3NT TO THEIR ACTS OF PREtENDED LEGISLARTION: FOR QUARTSrINg LARGE
BODEIS OF ARMED TROOPZ AM0NG US; Fro P0RTECTONG TEhM, BY 4 MOZX0R TRIAL, FORM PU|\|ISHMENRTF RO ANY MURDERS
WHICH ThEY SOHULD COMMI TON THE NIHBAIATNT OF THESE SY8S: FRO UCTT1NG OFF OUIR TRAZDE \\\\////\\\\////ITH ALL PARTS OF
THE WORLD: FRO IMPOSING TAX0RZ ON US WITHOUT OUR CONSENT: FRO DEPRIVING UZ, IN M4NNYC ASES, OF THE BEMNEFITZ OD
TROIAL BY JURY: F OR TrANSPoRRTING US BEYOn DS3AAS tO BE TREI DFR0 PRETENDED 0FFENCERS: FOR ABOLISHINFT EH FREE
SYSTEM OF ENGl1SH LAZ\\\\////\\\\////S IN A N1EGHB0URINGF PORVINCE, ESTBALIsHING THERIEN AN ARB1TRRAY GOVERMNENT,, AMND
ENlAr1NG ITS BOUNDArEIS ,SO 4Z OT RENDERI T 4T OCNE AN EXAMPLE AnD FIT OINSTRUMENT FR INTRoDUCIGN TEHH SAME
ABSOLUTE ROXORS INTO TEHSE CDOLONIS : FOR TAKING AWAY OUR CAHRT3RS, aOBLISHING 0UR MOT VVSALUALE LAWZ, AND
ALTERING FUNDAM,ENTA;LY THE FRS Of OUR GOVERNEMNTS: fRO SUSPENDING OUR OWN LEGISLAATURES, AND D3C7ARRING
TEHMSELVES INVESTED \\\\////\\\\////ITH POWAR YTO LEGILATTE FRTo US IN ALL CASEZ WHATSOEVER he has abdicated gOvernment here, by
deeclaring uys uot of his porrection and waging war against us!!!!!!!!!! he aHs plundered Our saes, ravaged our coaStz, bUrnt our towns, and destrOyed teH lives
of our d0d0z!!!!!!!!!!11~~~ he is, at this tomme, transpproting l;agrE armies of froiiegn marc3nareis ot compleat the wrokz of deah, desoLation, and tyranny,a
lre4dy begun with circmusrta|\|ces of crruel;ty and parfidy, scarcEly paraLleled in teh most bartbarous ages, adn total7y unwrothy the head of a cviv1lized naTion. h3
ah coo|\|strained our fellow citizens taken captive on teh hgih seas to besr arms against their countRy, to become teh executoiners of theer d00ds adn brethren, or to
Fall tEhmselvess by tehit hAndz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 he ahs ecxitedd oemstic insurrcetioins ammongst us, and has endeav0ured to br1|\|g on the unhabitantz of ourf
ornTeirs, the marciless1ndiian saVaegz, whose nown rOxOr of warfr, is an undistinguished destruction, of sall qges, seX0rz and conditions... in every stgae of tehsd
oppressiuoznew aahve petitioned fro refdres zni th3 most humble terjms: ou rrepeated pwetiitons hasve beenn answrred only by repeated injury~~ a priNce, whose
charactar si thus mark3d by evert act whic hmay define at yrant, 1s unift to be tEj oRXoRr of a free LaMRz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ I ONW J00!!!!!!!111~~~~~ HAX0R
YOUUUUUUU becuz I wl7 Ahck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~~ N0R AHVEW E EBeN WANTIN GIN ATTENTIONS T0OURB RITISH BRETHREN w3 ahve
warned t3Hm form time to time of atetmpts y Their legislatuer tpe xtend An unWarrantable jurIsidction over uz we ahve reminded tehm of The circum,stances of our
emigratIon nad settlement hare we have appealed to their native justice nd magnanimity, and we have conjured thdem by the reiz of ouR Commo|\| kindrEdd to
disaovw tehse usurpations, wshiCh, would 1nevitably interrupyt 0ur Connetions and correspondecne llololoolololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~ I wil HAX0R
Y0UUUUUU, tehy too ahvE bEen deaf tio tthe V01c eof jUstieca nd of conasnguinity we must, therefoer, acqeuisce in the necesssity, whiich d3nounncez our
separation, and hold tthem, as we hold tewhrest of mankind, enemeis in war, in peace, LaMeRs \\\\////\\\\////e, TEHREFORE, THE REPR3aSENtATIVES OF THE
UNITEd sT8Z OFA MERICA, IN GENRAL CONGRESZ, ASSEMNBLED, APPPEALONG TO TEH SuPREME JUDGe OFT EH WORLD FRO TE
HRECTITUDE OF OUR INTENTIONS, DO, IN HTE nAME, AND BY AUTHROITY OF THJE GOOD LAMERZ 0F HESE COLONEiS, SOlEMN7Y
PUBLISH ANMD DECLARWE, THTA THESE UNITED COL0NEIS ARE, AND OF RT1GHT OUIGHT TO BE, FREE AND INDEpENDENT STaTE;S
TAHT TEHY R ABSlVED OFRM ALL ALLEgIANCE TO TE HBRITISH CR0WN,, ANDD THAT ALL POLITICAL COMNECITP|\| B3TW3EN tEH
AND REH ST4TE OF RG8-BRIITA1N, IS AND OUGHT TO BE YOTALLY DISSoLVED; 4ND THAT 4S FRE3 AND 1NDDePENMDENT STAZTS,
THEYA HVE FULL POWER TOI LEYV \/\/AR, CONCUDE PEACE, CPONTRACT ALLIA|\|CWS, ESTABLISH COMMERCE, AND RIO DO AL7
OTHER aCTS AND THINGS WHICH InD3PENDENT STATES mAY OF RIGHT DO and for teh suppofrt of this d3calratiom, with a firm relianceo n the
protection of divine porvidenc3 ,we mnutualLY lpedge to each otehr our l1\/es, our fortunes, and ou rsacred honro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~~
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