I think you'll enjoy this, my friend - and friends. Now, don't take this as a sign that I'm (a) no longer a Tyson BOXING fan, or that (b) I believe that Tyson is going to lose versus Golota. I still am, and still do.
But upon reading this on HouseOfBoxing.com, I realized that it absolutely belongs here on the thread.
There's a good chance I'm still ROFL when you read this.
Tyson-Golota: The Whole Story
by Thomas Hauser
It's over now; the biggest-grossing fight in boxing history. Finding a site for the bout was more difficult than first imagined. The Nevada State Athletic Commission refused to grant Tyson a license, and there were similar problems with the Michigan Department of Consumer and Industry Services. The British Home Secretary announced that Iron Mike was no longer welcome in England; and the Polish Ministry of Sports said "nyet" to the contest.
There was momentary hope when the New York State Athletic Commission agreed to the bout on the condition that the fighters donate five percent of their respective purses to the New York State Republican Party, but then Madison Square Garden declined to bid on the venture. Finally, Tyson-Golota landed in Atlantic City under the sponsorship of Donald Trump.
Now Houseofboxing.com revisits the highlights of Mike Tyson versus Andrew Golota.
September 12, 2000: At a kick-off press conference, America Presents announces that it will promote the bout. At the same time, Tyson-Golota is formally titled in accord with the results of internet voting. "The balloting was quite close," Dan Goossen tells the assembled media. 'Anything Goes', 'Disgusting', 'Protect Yourself At All Times', 'Gory Glory,' and 'Yuk!' all received considerable support. But the top vote-getter was 'Psycho.'" At the close of the press conference, Tyson throws Donald Trump through a plate glass window.
September 19, 2000: A fight-promotion poster shows a grinning New Jersey Governor Christine Todd Whitman frisking Mike Tyson for weapons and drugs while two New Jersey state troopers look on. Meanwhile, Showtime reports that pay-per-view orders are running ahead of any fight ever at such an early a date.
October 2, 2000: Tyson visits a children's petting zoo in New Jersey and bites the head off a baby duck. "Mike has been under a lot of pressure lately," explains Shelly Finkel. Meanwhile, Larry Hazzard (Chairman of the New Jersey Board of Athletic Control) tells reporters, "There's nothing to worry about. Both fighters will be muzzled during the fight."
October 6, 2000: Showtime announces that Howard Stern will team with Steve Albert and Bobby Czyz as a guest commentator for the bout.
October 9, 2000: Tyson stops taking his Zoloft in preparation for the fight. Later in the day, witnesses report that Iron Mike has driven his motorcycle down the middle of the Boardwalk in Atlantic City, run over seventeen tourists, and snatched the purse of an 85-year-old woman who had just won thirty-seven dollars at the slot machines. Shelly Finkel tells reporters, "Mike is upset because he feels that the media focuses on the negative aspects of his life and overlooks the positive." Challenged to name one positive aspect of Tyson's life, Finkel responds, "Mike has done so many positive things, I can't begin to name all of them."
October 13, 2000: Showtime announces that two exotic dancers named Busty Dusty and Wendy Whoppers have been recruited as roundcard girls for the fight.
October 16, 2000: At the final pre-fight press conference, Tyson tells Golota, "I'm going to push your nose bone into your brain, punch your testicles into your stomach, rip out your kidneys, cut open your chest, masturbate on your heart, and eat your children. Then my pigeons will peck out your eyeballs." Shortly thereafter, Shelly Finkel explains to reporters, "Mike was upset because last night he was watching television and saw a documentary about a poor baby seal that was clubbed to death for its fur in Alaska."
October 17, 2000: Shaken by Tyson's savagery, Andrew Golota falls into a deep depression and starts taking Zoloft. Meanwhile, Larry Hazzard announces that, in addition to the regular ringside physicians, the State of New Jersey will provide a psychiatrist for each corner.
October 18, 2000: Tyson is photographed with George W. Bush and his mother, Barbara, who are campaigning in New Jersey. Later in the day, Barbara Bush files sexual molestation charges against Tyson, claiming that Iron Mike fondled her breasts and whispered, "I want you." Shelly Finkel tells reporters, "Mike is very upset by these unfounded allegations, which he feels are nothing but an attempt to set him up for a civil lawsuit. If Barbara Bush wants to get rich, she should buy a lottery ticket."
October 19, 2000: Larry Hazzard acknowledges that he's having difficulty finding a referee for the fight, and assures prospective candidates, ""There will be no danger to the referee. Security personnel armed with stun-guns will be stationed in each corner in case either fighter gets out of control during the bout."
October 20, 2000: Mike Tyson versus Andrew Golota lives up to its billing. Neither fighter can bite because of the muzzles, but the bout is replete with, head butts, low blows, punches after the bell, arm-twisting, and knees to the groin. Midway through round five, Tyson leaves the ring and charges into the press section to slug Wally Matthews and Michael Katz. After a quick conference with Larry Hazzard, the referee orders that two points be deducted from Iron Mike's score. Hazzard will later explain, "There was no disqualification because Mike got back into the ring within the time allotted under New Jersey rules for a fighter who has been knocked from the ring." At the end of round nine, Tyson is bleeding badly from both eyes, his nose is broken, and he's helpless against the ropes. At this point, Golota tells the referee, "I think I quit now." At the post-fight press conference, Tyson tells the assembled media, " I'm the baddest man on the planet. Tell Lennox Lewis that I'm going to eat his children, beat up his mother,and split his head open like a baby seal." |
