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Strategies & Market Trends : Befriend the Trend Trading -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: CatLady who wrote (12575)	10/17/2000 10:40:58 AM
From: the options strategist	Respond to of 39683

Thanks CatLady.

To: CatLady who wrote (12575)	10/17/2000 12:07:27 PM
From: Jeff Jordan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 39683

++OT++ > How o Give a Cat a Pill > 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your > left arm as if holding a baby. Position your right forefinger and > thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure > to > the cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop > pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve > pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and > repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill > away. 4. Take new pill from foil-wrap, cradle cat in left arm, > holding rear paws tighly with left hand. Force jaws open and push > pill > to back of mouth with right forefinger.Hold mouth shut for a count of > ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of > wardrobe. Call spouse in from backyard. 6. Kneel on floor with cat > wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low > growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one > hand > while forcing a wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub > cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain-rail. Get > another pill from foil-wrap. Make note to buy a new ruler and repair > curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth > set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get > spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put > pill in one end of drinking-straw. Force mouth open with pencil and > blow down drinking-straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill is not > harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply > Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with > cold > water and > soap. > 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in > cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force > mouth > open with dessert-spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber-band. > 11. > Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on > hinges. > Apply cold- compress to cheek and check records for date of last > tetanus-shot. Throw T-Shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. > 12. > Call Fire Dept. to retrieve cat from tree across the street. > Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to > avoid hitting cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. > 13. Tie cat's front > and rear paws with garden- twine and bind tightly to leg of > dining-room table. Find heavy-duty pruning- gloves from the shed. > Push > pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet-steak. Hold head > vertically and pour 2 litres of water down throat to wash pill down. > 14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly > while > doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill fragments from > right-eye. Call furniture-shop on way home to order new table. 15. > Take .22 caliber <omitted..by..Jeff> > > > How to Give a Dog a Pill > 1. Wrap it in bacon.