everything about nothing...
THE AL GORE STORY
Good afternoon all. I'm Al Gore, and I'd like to tell you a little about
myself. I know a lot about hardship, because I came into this world as a
poor black child in a tiny town in the backwoods of Tennessee. I was born in
a log cabin that I built with my own hands. I taught myself to read by
candlelight and helped support my 16 brothers and sisters by working
summers as a deck hand on a Mississippi River steamboat. Frequently we would
stop the ship and I would cut and split five cords of wood for fuel
overnight for the steam engines. My mother taught me the value of education,
so every day, I would walk 5 miles to a one-room schoolhouse.
I was a mischievous, fun loving scamp, though I never dreamed that one day
my youthful escapades would serve as the inspiration for "Huckleberry Finn."
Back then, we Jewish black folks in the south were second-class citizens.
One day, a traveling minister came through town, and I asked him if anyone
was ever going to do something to guarantee civil rights for all Americans.
Well, I guess I made an impression. You see, the minister's name was Martin
Luther King, Jr. My father was a United States Senator. He once perched me
on his knee and said, "Son, if you work hard and listen to your mama,
someday you can live in a hotel in Washington, D.C., and go to an exclusive
prep school." As a young Hindu boy, these were very valuable lessons. But
life of privilege was not for me. Being Chinese, after getting my high
school diploma, I took a job in a hot, dirty textile mill. I was so appalled
at the treatment of the workers there that I organized a union.
Later, that experience inspired a movie - which is why, to this day, my
close friends at the AFL-CIO call me "Norma Rae." When word got out what an
18 year old factory worker had done, Harvard University called and offered
me a scholarship. I captained the hockey team to four consecutive national
championships, but I also played football and was good enough to win the
Heisman Trophy. During my college years, I lived in a housing project and
moonlighted writing songs and playing lead guitar for a little rock band.
You may have heard of us - The Rolling Stones. I'm the one with the lips.
But there was a war going on, and I felt I had to serve my country. So I
enlisted in the U. S. Army and went to Vietnam. I was deeply opposed to the
war, but I did my duty as a soldier and came back home with the Medal of
Honor and the Croix de Guerre. My battlefield expertise is current
requisite reading material for Officers Candidates to this very day. My
being a wounded female officer serving in disguise as a journalist was a
full time project, but my military knowledge helped save tens of thousands
of lives. Many cities in Southeast Asia are named after me to this very day.
Statues of me are still commonplace in many official Government buildings in
Viet Nam. When I got back, I took a long journey across this great land of
ours.
I've crossed the deserts bare, man, I've breathed the mountain air, man,
I've traveled, I've done my share, man, I've been everywhere. I've hunted
all the dangerous species of big game in five continents using only a
handmade spear or my handmade lasersighted compound bow. And the people I
met at truckstops and campgrounds and homeless shelters on that journey all
said the same thing: "Al, we need you in Washington." I knew they were
right, but first I had to take care of some other business---building the
World Trade Center, finding a low cost, more reliable nuclear weapon
trigger design, founding the Audubon Society, doing the clinical research
that proved smoking caused cancer, and coming up with the recipe for Mrs.
Field's chocolate chip cookies. I was, in fact, the third (still silent)
partner of Ben & Jerry with over half of the flavors personally developed by
Tipper
and me in our own kitchen. My extensive knowledge of Arctic Sea life keeps
me busy in the research laboratory, but those endangered species need love
too!
Translating the dead sea scrolls is one of my favorite hobbies, and my
current volume is in print in over 73 languages and is being studied in
Seminaries worldwide. Being Indian, both Native American and the Mid East
kind, this is valuable experience for me. Have towel and Tee Pee, will
travel. Finally, I deferred to the demands of the people of Tennessee and
allowed them to elect me to the House of Representatives and the Senate.
And then one winter day nearly nine years ago, for no particular reason, I
answered the call of the people once again and took the oath of office as
Vice President of the United States. I also invented the Internet. Since
then, I've been part of the most successful administration in American
history. My friend, Bill Gates has asked me many times why I gave him the
ideas of software development and asked for no money. Gosh, it just wouldn't
be right! Many times President Bill Clinton has been pondering some grave
decision and has asked me what to do. And when I would give him my
thoughts, he would invariable say, "Of course. That's brilliant. Why didn't
I think
of that?" During the darkest days of the impeachment battles, the President
told me
he only wished he had listened when I told him to stay away form that
dark-haired intern with the big hooters. So after I decided to run for
president, I sat down with him and asked if he had any suggestions about how
to conduct my campaign. And Bill Clinton gave me a few simple words of
advice-words I'll never forget. He looked me in the eye and he said, "Al,
just tell the truth, it's always worked well for me."
Thanks, I'm Al Gore and I want to be your next President. You can trust and
believe me. |
