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Politics : Why is Gore Trying to Steal the Presidency? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Cola Can who wrote (892)	11/17/2000 10:15:34 PM
From: Proud_Infidel	Respond to of 3887

Leno It was cold again today. It was not only cold here in L.A. but it was in Texas, too. It was so cold in Texas that Dubya kicked a guy out of an electric chair to keep warm. The postal service says that you should get your absentee ballots in the mail early if you want them counted by Christmas in Florida. Lots of people are making fun of Katherine Harris, the Florida secretary of state. They're mainly making fun of her makeup, saying she doesn't know how to apply eye shadow or put on blush. This is just coming from Al Gore! I feel bad for the people in Florida. They move there because of arthritis and they end up counting votes by hand. The next election in Florida will be better. People will now be able to use the clapper to vote. You can clap-on for Bush (claps hands) or clap-on for Gore. (claps hands again) This election may be decided by overseas absentee ballots. Now, I say that ain't fair. Those people should have to come back to the country and suffer with the rest of us before they can vote! All the communist countries are being all smug about this election. Today Castro said that it was America's own fault for the confusion. He also said that it wouldn't be confusing if you would just have one name on the ballot, not two! North Dakota is now recounting its votes. For no reason, there's just nothing to do there. The Clippers beat the Knicks! Last night the Clippers beat the Knicks 78 to 74. Now, those are the people that should be asking for a recount. A new bra is coming out that is made out of bubble wrap. I hear the bras are going for 100 dollars a pop! Letterman If the crowd looks confused, it's OK – they're just Floridians that came in by mistake! The people in Palm Beach are all asking themselves the same question: What would Matlock do? Al Gore made a proposal to George W. Bush last night to end this thing. Bush was stunned and called an emergency meeting with his imaginary Cabinet. Bush is good at breaking the tension. That's what's good. Yesterday he went down to death row where he was going to do a lethal injection and instead he gave the inmate a flu shot. Al Gore is starting to see the writing on the wall. Just today he was seen practicing his Nixon pre-helicopter boarding wave. (does big wave with arms imitating Nixon) One thing we did learn in this election: Please, America, let's bring back the low voter turnout! Come on, let's get that apathy going again! As you know, we're doing Clinton classic jokes every night until Clinton leaves office. Tonight's Clinton classic is from June 2, 1998. Earlier today President Clinton banged his head on a door at the White House. That's the first thing at the White House to be banged that didn't involve a high-powered lawyer