irlon wrote:
>>I see that during my brief absence the quality of postings on this thread has improved markedly.<<
Well, I'm not surprised...
Here's irlon's post in the real King's English: (not to mention that irlon mispelled publicized in his original post... hehehehe..... idiot.....)
Here's a recent statement from Buckingham Palace. It's been widely publicized, but I think it'll be news for you:
Formal Announcement on Behalf of HRM Queen Elizabeth II
To The citizens of the United States of America.
In de lite of your failure t' eleck a President of de USA 'n dud t' gobehn yourselbes, duuhhhh, webuh heheby gibe notice of de rebocashun of your independess, effeckibe immedut.
Heh Sobeheign Madgesty Keen Elizabed II will resume monarchial duties obeh all states, duuhhhh, commonwebuhalds 'n odeh tehritories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Um uh. Your new prime-ministeh (De Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP, f' de 97% of you who habe until now been unaware dat dehe is a world outside your bordehs) will appoit a ministeh f' Amehica widout de neid f' furdeh eleckions.
Congress 'n de Senate will be disbanded, GEEEHEEHEEE.A kesshunnaire will be circulatid next year t' detehmine whedeh any of you noticed. T' aid in the, duh uhh, transishun t' a British Crown Dependency, the, uh uh uh, followigg rules are interducid wid immedut effeck:
1. Duh, you shudd look up "rebocashun" in de Oxf'd English Dicshun. Lee me lone!Den look up "aluminium". Check de pronunciashun guide. Duh, you will be amazid at dgust duh, how wrong you habe been pronouncigg it.
Genehal, you shudd raise your bocabl t' acceptaggle lebels. Look up "bocabl". Usigg the, ERRRR, same twebuhnty-seben words innerspehsid wid filleh noises such as "like, uh uh uh," "dude, uh uh uh," 'n "you know" is an unacceptaggle 'n inefficient f'm of commucashun. Look up "innerspehsed".
2. Dehe is no such digg as US English. Um uh.Webuh will inf'm Microsoft on your behalf.
3. Duh, you shudd learn t' distigguish de British 'n Australian accents. It real isn't dat hard.
4. Hollywood will be rekirid occashunal to cast English ackors as de good guys.
5. Duh, you shudd relearn your original nashunal andem, God Sabe De Keen, but on affeh ful carryigg out Task 1. Webuh wudd not want you t' get confusid and gibe up halfway drough.
6. Duh, you shudd stop playigg Amehican football. Dehe is on one kind of football. What you refeh t' as Amehican football is not a behy good game. De 3% of you who habe trabelid outside your bordehs may be aware dat no one else plays Amehican football. Duh, you will no longeh be allowebuhd t' play it, uh, 'n shudd instead play propeh football.
Uhhh....Inishul, it wudd be best if you playid wid de girls - it is a difficult game. In time, uh uh uh, dose of you brabe enough will be allowebuhd t' play rugby. Rugby is similar t' Amehican football, but does not inbolbe stoppigg and restigg ebehy twebuhnty seconbs, duuhhhh, or webuharigg full keblar body armour like a bunch of nancies.
Webuh are hopigg t' get togedeh at least a US rugby sebens side by 2005.
7. Duh, you shudd declare war on Kebec 'n Frass, usigg nucular webuhapons if dey gibe you any mehde. De Russians webuhre nebeh real de bad guys, duuhhhh, but you didn't get it. "Mehde" is French f' "shit" by the, uh, the way. Uhhh....Please try t' teach your Afro-Amehicans t' use dis more culturid tehm in deir rap music.
8. De price of petrol (which you call "gas", when it isn't) will be raisid to a lebel dat mite remind you dat the, uh, the world is fast runnigg out of the, ERRRR, stuff. Lee me lone!And wreckigg the, errr, climate at the, ERRRR, same time. Look up "pedestrian".
9. Amehican refehess books incorreck show dat ebehydigg was inbentid by Domas Edison (aka Mark Twain). Duh.Dese will be changid to credit de British inbentors of: the, uh, eleckric motor, trains, duuhhhh, telebishun, c'pootrs, duuhhhh, parliamin democracy, grabity, de English Language, uh uh uh, cricket (also football, tennis, duuhhhh, badminton, taggle tennis, duuhhhh, rugby, golf etc), irony, apble pie, uh uh uh, Christmas trees etc. etc.
10. Please tell us who killid DgFK. It's been dribigg us crazy.
Dank you f' your coopehashun.
Elizabed II.
Well, we here in the colonies don't give a rat's ass about your little queen, maybe if she got a real job, she won't look so sick..... hahahahahha.....
GZ |
