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Politics : Why is Gore Trying to Steal the Presidency? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Proud_Infidel who wrote (1109)11/18/2000 6:37:23 PM
From: chalu2  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 3887
 
Class Action To Be Filed By Non-Voters

November 18 (NewsYucks)--An apathetic non-voter in Normal, Ohio has filed a class action suit, asserting that he and 50 million other Americans have been disenfranchised by the failed promises of politicians, and the lackluster nature of the candidates. "This year, we were faced with the choice of a duplicitous, robotic Democratic who reminds me of Dorothy's Tin Woodsman and a doltish, draft-dodging good 'ol boy with the right surname," noted Geronimo SleepingChad, a full-blooded Sue Indian. "We were bored into not voting, and we feel that now that the election is so darned interesting we should be allowed to cast absentee ballots." SleepingChad noted that non-voters can be considered the "ultimate absentees."

Political experts believe that if the suit is successful, the 50 million non-voter ballots could tip the election not to Gore or Bush, but to political commentator Tim Russert. "Many non-voters got to know and like Russert during the election night coverage and for the interminable post-election wrangling that followed", explains Russert campaign Chairman Dan Rather. "He is cute, cuddly and well-informed, just what the non-voters are looking for."

Russert, a bachelor, said that if elected he will unite the country by taking as his bride Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris. Harris, a long time Russert fan, said she was looking forward to "certifying his election, if you know what I mean."

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