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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How 'bout I send you a f-king book so you can learn to read
and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger,
at least HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What? like your dad's going to quit banging the baby-sitter
like a screen door in a hurricane? Let me get you some nice
LEGOs instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in
my face. If you want to kiss my ass, leave me a bottle of
scotch and some Toblerone.
Santa
============================================================
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I
spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and
losing money at the craps table.
Hey...you wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like the song says?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Jill
Jill,
That whiny begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
============================================================
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get Into
our home?
Love,
Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky" that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live
in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars
do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
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