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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: nasdaqian who wrote (56567)	11/20/2000 12:00:51 PM
From: nasdaqian	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders, that's the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, PM) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Generally,you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are bad and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Thank you for your cooperation.

To: nasdaqian who wrote (56567)	11/20/2000 12:56:40 PM
From: The Philosopher	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 71178

I can't believe I'm making this argument I don't believe you are. It's the Microsoft products you use that are forcing your computer to write only glowing things about MSFT. IE, Word, etc, you know, have filters that convert any anti-MS rhetoric into pro-MS rhetoric. So I realize that you really tried to type something more in line with your true feeligns, but the MS products wouldn't let you. The only reason I can post the truth about MS here is that I'm using Netscape!

To: nasdaqian who wrote (56567)	11/21/2000 8:46:43 AM
From: Ilaine	Respond to of 71178

The reason that viruses can be attached to Microsoft products like Word and Excel has to do with the software. I can't explain it but there is a small bit of software that you can't see but all Microsoft products have, and the virus is inserted there and when one document interfaces with another, the virus can be transferred there. That is one reason I used Netscape, and WordPerfect. But I also much prefer WordPerfect as a word processing program, it is far, far superior to Word, in my opinion. I do use Outlook Express and Excel, mainly because they were bundled on the computer when I bought them. I don't use spreadsheets very often, and never for work, only for investments. I never download email attachments unless I know the person who sent it, which doesn't protect much, but a little, and I have McAffee Virus Scan and Black Ice Defender on the computer. I did get a computer virus once, Monkey A, it did not seem to do anything, and I think I got it in a box of diskettes that I bought at a store in a mall that mostly sold games. Some teenaged boy probably infected the box of diskettes and put them on the shelf for fun, is the only explanation I can think of. The only way I found out was that I had a blank diskette and put it in someone else's computer to type something and the computer virus scan went wild. And I knew I had taken that diskette out of the box fresh and unused. So I bought McAffee and checked everything, and wound up throwing away many diskettes.