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Pastimes : Football Forum (NFL) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (5124)	12/1/2000 11:18:40 AM
From: Thomas M.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 45639

re: QB change Weekend Predictions: Reeves' huge ego is the only winner Jeff Schultz - Staff Friday, December 1, 2000 Flowery Blanche --- In the biggest news to rock this area since the closure of Jeb's Beefstick Outlet and School of TV Reepare, the Falcons announced that Chris Chandler will be unable to perform his duties of quarterback for the final three games of the NFL regular season, which is still going on, unbeknownst to most of Atlanta's living, breathing creatures who reside just this side of broccoli. "Chris has been banged up and beat up --- this is a chance to get him rest," said Atlanta coach Dan Reeves, reading from a statement faxed to him by Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris. "I also think it's the best way for us to win. Have you met my pet rabbit, Harvey?" Confused? Don't be. Thanks to the just-published Reeves-English, English-Reeves dictionary and a secret decoder kit that came with my "Paul Tagliabue Speech Kit" that I got last Hanukkah, the Weekend Predictions Research Team has decrypted the actual message Reeves delivered to the media this week: "Hello bozos. Let me just start out by saying that I got this team to the Super Bowl two years ago, and everybody else was along for the ride. I'm the general manager. I'm the coach. If we recount West Palm Beach a few more times, I might be president. This is my team. Mine, mine, all mine. Chandler? Dead man. Don't want him. Get him bandaged. Get him healthy. Get him outta here. I believe Fred Johnson gives us the best chance to win. I mean Doug." The Thrashers face the Tampa Bay Lightning this evening. We tell you this because there is as much a chance of Chris Chandler playing in goal tonight for the Thrashers as there is him ever taking another snap for the Falcons. Reeves says Chandler is hurt. Chandler says he's fine. Reeves says the change has nothing to do with Chandler's criticism of some coaching decisions. Of course not. Don't coaches always want to rest quarterbacks for summer vacation? What kind of monkeyshine is this guy dishing out? Suddenly, I find myself yearning for the June Jones-Jeff George debates. And about that criticism, anyway: It barely qualifies as a rip, except maybe for coaches whose egos bruise as easily as a banana dropped from a 12th-story window. Fact is, while Chandler never will be confused with Patton, this team's problems extend far beyond QB. Personnel blunders, play-calling and an offensive line that my comatose, overweight lab could run through rank as a higher priority. This week, the Tweets meet the Seattle Seahawks, whose grand poobah, Mike Holmgren, also has not had everything go as planned. The difference is, Holmgren's cranium is not so big that he's benching a quarterback who helped get the team to the Super Bowl. It's 3-10 versus 4-8. It's Doug Johnson versus Jon Kitna. I need a Tums. Final score: Seattle 3, Falcons 2.