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Politics : Should God be replaced? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: epicure who wrote (4942)12/14/2000 10:03:23 PM
From: Solon  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 28931
 
The bible is one of the funniest books ever written--if we can ignore the pathetic parts. There are hundreds of examples of prime humour. Here are a few examples!

NUMBERS (God is going to force them to eat meat until it squeezes out of their nose!)

11:19
Ye shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days;

11:20
But even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you: because that ye have despised the LORD which is among you, and have wept before him, saying, Why came we forth out of Egypt?

NUMBERS (This goes on even in modern times!)

22:28
And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?
22:29
And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.
22:30
And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.

Joshua (Circumcise until it takes!)

5:2
At that time the LORD said unto Joshua, Make thee sharp knives, and circumcise again the children of Israel the second time.

ISAIAH (God knows how to get His kicks)!

20:2 At the same time spake the LORD by Isaiah the son of Amoz, saying, Go and loose the sackcloth from off thy loins, and put off thy shoe from thy foot. And he did so, walking naked and barefoot.
20:3
And the LORD said, Like as my servant Isaiah hath walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and wonder upon Egypt and upon Ethiopia;
20:4
So shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians prisoners, and the Ethiopians captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, even with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt.