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Strategies & Market Trends : VOLTAIRE'S PORCH-MODERATED -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: freeus who wrote (25241)	12/15/2000 9:21:46 AM
From: J. C. Dithers	Respond to of 65232

Holy Santa Claus, Batman, here go the Bush lawyers again. BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS > > > > AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 4)-Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed > > suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making > his > list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate > injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to > effectively ban > his traditional practice of checking the list of good > boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh. > The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a > federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all > > repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the > original list > as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, > or other > unnecessary modification." > "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. > > It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need > to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again > must stop > >now," said former Secretary James Baker. > > > > Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf > > removing all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under > 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are > brats." > > > > Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and > > blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North > Pole." > > > > "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother > > just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check > her ID > or anything." > > > > Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea > to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable > thing, > and quit checking your list. The children of the world have > had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his > granddaughter has > already selected a name for the pony she's asked > for. > > > > The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development > > with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via > > dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We > need red suits > and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said. > >Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but an spokeself said he > > was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against > him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said > the spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly." > > > > A weary nation can relate. > > > > > > > -