. . . . . . . Joy To the World . . . . . . .
. . . There is magic that happens in my home at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning each year. Santa has long since gone. But the kids are not yet stirring. The dogs are sleeping under the tree like they are a part of it all. The only sounds in the house are the occasional sighs by the dogs. . .who must sense that this day is different from all others. . . . . And around each corner of the home is a feeling that is so strong you can cut it with a falling knife. . .>g< . . . .
Expectation!
I find myself the first one up on Christmas morning about every year. I guess it dates back to my childhood. Hey, I never said I wanted to grow up!! But now, I love this time for other reasons. One is that I can think of no time during the year that is more peaceful. I am not concerned with the futures markets today, nor the news, nor anything that has to do with money. On a beautiful morning as this, it would seem blasphemous or obsessive.
All the happiness that I seek in life is already within the creaking walls of this home. All else is merely supplementary to what I already have. I am not talking about riches in the sense as many of us have come to know through these markets, inheritance or employment. Instead, I wish to share what I know about a simple concept that, if used correctly and often, can lead to a far more fulfilling life.
I speak of joy.
To every Christian, Catholic, Mormon, Jew, Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist, Muslim, or other. . . I ask you take a moment alone to consider a highly important thought for this holiday time or better expressed Holy Day. . . celebrated in so many ways on different days. This lesson applies to all. . . and contains no scriptures. . .just sound life experiences.
To all. . . .,
Happiness is the ultimate purpose for all selfish action. Joy is the reward of practicing happiness. Laughter and charity are the expressions of joy.
These little phrases, which popped into my mind just before rising today, should probably be memorized, as they contain one of the secrets of life that all too many never seem to get. If you get nothing more from this post but those phrases, it will have been worth the effort.
When I was a teenager, I began writing these little truths about life. Some are philosophies, others are theorems. The first one, I wrote nearly 30 years ago, coincidentally ties in perfectly with this subject. . .
"Happiness is not acquired. It is practiced."
I'll start there. Have you ever said, "I'll be happy when school is out" or "I'll be happy when I graduate" or "I'll be happy when I get that promotion" or "I'll be happy when I get that car" or "I'll be happy when we move out of this place" or "I'll be happy when the kids are grown" . . .
Were you happier? OK, maybe for a time it felt as though we were. But the whole concept of happiness is not dependent on an event. It does not magically come to you along with something that you want, anymore than those extra pounds you put on over the holidays magically leave you when the holidays are over. By saying the words, "I'll be happy when. . ." you are saying to yourself and to the world that you are NOT happy now. And you are placing your happiness, something that is ultimately important, on an object or event, which is ultimately trivial.
Just as we must exercise the pounds away. We must practice our happiness. It takes effort. Whether it comes to us through spiritual means or is an emotion that resides within, happiness is not something which can be scheduled into our lives. It takes effort. Every single day we must decide that we are going to be happy, regardless of where we live, what we don't have or what we want. And if we can successfully make that simple decision about our own happiness, THEN we can consider the real subject of this post. Joy.
Joy can be stolen. And it is a wise man that seeks to recover it. [that's not a proverb. . but true nonetheless]
Most all of us have had our joy stolen from us at one time or another. . . .often through some event that made us bitter towards life, others and ourselves. The loss of a loved-one . . . the loss of a career . . . a big mistake. . . and misunderstanding . . . unacceptance . . . persecution . . . injustice . . . There are many ways to have our joy stolen from us. Yet there are many who cannot place exactly where or even when they lost their joy. Nobody died. Nothing seemed to have changed. In extreme cases, some may not ever remember having their joy.
For those who feel theirs is fully or even partially lost. . . take a moment to think back to when you last remember having your joy. Surely there was some time in your life where you remember your joy as being the most important thing in your world. Was it at the birth of your child? Your marriage? Some great achievement? Or even at some point in your childhood when the world was such a wonderful and simple place. . . and you never wanted that time to end. . . .?
I don't mean to dredge up bad thoughts about the past. . .this isn't about replacing them with good ones or about some simple cure to a difficult life. What I am hoping you realize is that, yes, you had your joy at one or all of those above events. And if you don't have your joy now, then you were robbed. And if you were robbed, then it is a very worthwhile thing to do to find out when, where and how you were robbed, in order to find a way to recover your joy.
May I suggest looking to the people in your life at the time of your losing your joy. And if I can be so bold as go out on a limb, yet hoping not to offend anyone. . . could it be that your joy left, when some person either started or stopped having an effect on your life. . .??
??
This is not uncommon. You have a fight or disagreement with a family member or close friend. It ends ugly. One of you leaves. Both of you lose your joy. At this point in time, it probably no longer even matters why. . .and in many instances, you may not even remember the original root cause or why it has lasted this long.
This is a common occurrence. Most everyone has experienced this in some degree throughout their lifetime. You feel as though your hands are tied and nothing can break the shackles that have bound you and have kept you from this person. But I am here to tell you that it can be resolved. The shackles CAN be broken. And you both can be freed from this separation. . .even if the other person is no longer living!!
And it all starts with three little words. . .
"I forgive you"
Un-forgiveness can steal your joy without you knowing it. No matter how old the situation, or what the cause. . .harboring un-forgiveness can lead to a miserable life. . .[or even worse.] But of all the factors that can steal your joy, it is the one that is the most easily solved. You may first need to gulp down a big helping of your pride. But that is a small price to pay for the reward of your joy being returned!!
I challenge you here and now to make a phone call today. Write a letter. Or go in person. Do what you CAN do to take the first step towards offering forgiveness to the other person. And don't worry that the other person may not wish to reciprocate with a step toward you. You needn't stay long to have a big effect. And don't expect overnight miracles. Some miracles take years! And be considerate that the other person may have issues unknown to you that weigh on them. The important thing is that YOU FORGIVE THEM!!
Life is very short. But forgiveness is eternal.
In some cases, it is important that you tell them you forgive them. Other times it is best that you just say the words. But one thing I will guarantee to you. . . is that if you say the words, "I forgive you, _______" [fill-in blank] OUT LOUD. . . not to yourself. . . [go somewhere you can be alone, if you must] . . .but out loud in a strong voice. . . . that you will FEEL the shackles break. You will feel the bindings drop. And you may even feel the peace that comes with the FREEDOM of no longer being bound through un-forgiveness with another person. . . .a feeling that you may have been missing for a long long time.
And in the rare case that you don't know who it is you are forgiving. Just start naming names of every person you have known. Start with every family member. Then move toward your friends. Try not to skip a single one. Forgive them one at a time. And don't forget to forgive yourself, while you are at it. Chances are, you will come to a name, and feel something release upon your forgiving them. And this lesson will have been worthwhile.
It is through the freedom you receive upon forgiveness of someone in your life that your joy is returned to you.
From there, your joy will still require nurturing. And in many cases, this process of forgiveness may need to become a daily routine. But again, I tell you it is worth your effort. Moreso than perhaps anything you could do for yourself or your family.
And the reason that I strongly urge each of you to find your joy. . .is because joy is contagious. . . just as laughter is. Once you find your joy, you can proceed to the next step. And this may be the best single act you could ever do as a parent!! Share your joy.
No sooner your joy is returned to you. . . [and you cannot fake this by skipping the forgiveness part and trying to squeeze in right here, because it doesn't work. . . ] . . . than you may begin to share joy with your loved ones. And I tell you, your children will KNOW the difference when you hug them out of sheer joy. And I cannot begin to tell you the importance of such a move, in the shaping of the lives of children of any age.
But you must not think of this as a one time event. That would be a waste of all that is being taught here. You must consider this a regimen . . .
Seeking your joy
Forgiving others
Practicing your happiness and
Sharing your joy
. . . repeated daily for maximum benefit.
And once again, consider that your joy is contagious. By practicing those four simple steps every single day, the joy that will come to your home may overflow into every person within. . . . eventually spilling out into the streets!!!
And it is the "spilling out into the streets" part that brought me to write this post in the first place. When your joy comes to the point of overflowing, you must share it. And your charity toward the less fortunate is the perfect outlet for sharing your joy. Charity toward the less fortunate is especially helpful for those who experience loneliness or stress.
Once you find your joy. Understand its value, so that you never again lose it.
Be quick to forgive, eager to share and compassionate toward others.
Today is the perfect day to begin this healing process. I encourage each one of you to have. . .
The wisdom to see the importance of this lesson. . .
The honesty to look deep within yourself . . .
The courage to forgive others. . .
The discipline to make it a regular routine in your life . . .
The compassion to share what you have learned.
. . . .
****NOTE: If you are currently under the care of a psychiatrist, bring this lesson to him for approval before proceeding. If what you discover is more than you feel you can bear, discontinue the process and seek assistance from a professional. If you wish to unload some thoughts that have been troubling you, have any questions about this lesson or if you cannot think of anyone to write to, to share your thoughts, please send me an email at Rande@writeme.com.
. . . .
May God bless each of you and each of your family members with joy beyond containment! And may your holyday be filled with laughter, the expression of joy.
Rande Is |
