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To: Craig Freeman who wrote (17618)	12/25/2000 2:52:46 AM
From: Craig Freeman	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 60323

Happy holidays to all! The Christian Science Monitor December 24, 2000 PRESS RELEASE: Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference at the Vatican that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of "Christmukah" ... as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use the "Santa Claus" brand name and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner? A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher. However, Nabisco's offer to rename their "Chips Ahoy!" brand to "Chips, Chips, Achoi .. have we got chips?" was refused. A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen by the Federal Trade Commission as an "unfair monopoly on the holiday market." For the first time in recent memory, the Reverend Jesse Jackson's office was unavailable for comment. The conference was closed with a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful.". Kwanzaa attendees joined in to provide an exciting bass and drum background for the proceeding. Craig