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Strategies & Market Trends : VOLTAIRE'S PORCH-MODERATED -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Dealer who wrote (27819)	1/1/2001 12:42:47 PM
From: Murrey Walker	Respond to of 65232

...and a Happy New Year to you Dealer, and the rest of the Porch Community!!!!

To: Dealer who wrote (27819)	1/1/2001 5:56:14 PM
From: stockman_scott	Respond to of 65232

a little holiday humor for the porchers...fyi... ______________________________________________ How the Glitch Stole Christmas By Stephen Manes, Forbes Magazine, 01.08.01 All the Glitches in Techville love e–tail a lot. But poor suffering Who–folk in Realville do NOT! We're supposed to just click, fill our virtual carts, And get stuff via FedEx to gladden our hearts. But e–tail has ways of, well … going awry. It's enough to make Who–folk like me say, "Not I." Take the day that Expedia sent one of its deals: Ten percent off some flights boasting "chef–crafted meals," Served to seats made of leather in two–by–two rows. Legend Airlines would fly you––but where, no one knows. On the day before that, it had flown toward plane heaven From a bankruptcy court, filing Chapter 11. And take Amazon––please!––whose great marketingpowers Boast books "Usually ship within 24 hours." But not when I ordered two tomes, nonromances–– And a good friend who one–clicked for two sets of lighting Got just one two weeks later. E–tail: It's e–xciting! But for e–shopping hell, someone please drop a bomb On that nest of incompetence, Macy's dot–com. Where a code for free shipping did not work at all, So I unearthed a new one via lengthy voice call. When the saucepan arrived (which in dollars cost 30) It came lidless, with a "$9.99" label, and dirty. So 'twas back to the phone for some customer service–– No wonder we seasoned Web–shoppers get nervous! "The lid may be shipped soon. A rebate will not, Since an e–price can differ from one on the spot. Sometimes it is higher, sometimes it is lower," Said a customer servant. Which led me to glower. Back online, I thought Dell's site might just set the tone, Yet its "store" finally drove me to pick up the phone. Customizing computers was easy to start, But the site then refused to retrieve my "saved cart," And eventually dealt one of e–tailing's bigger hurts By switching my cheap chip for a pricier gigahertz. And Dell will not tell you what you'll owe for freight Till you give up your personal info. How great! So I dialed 1–800, where company reps Disentangled my order––not without some missteps. E–commerce? At first, sure, but not by the end, When you need a real person to talk to, a "friend." But the call saved a few bucks on charges for shipping, Which I'll donate to bring back the art of horsewhipping. The lash will apply to whoever's e–humors End up wasting the time of us hapless consumers. Is it in stock or out? Will it get here with dash? If you don't know, or lie, fear the crack of the lash! And a glorious punishment yet undevised For designers of check–boxes that they've disguised As "offers" as tasty as green eggs and ham, But if you don't uncheck them, they'll bring you just spam. Same for "privacy policies" that don't keep you hidden. We just want the products, not offers unbidden! "We'll fix all this soon!" said the Glitches last year. But we Who–folk get tired of waiting for cheer. Hey, if e–tailers can't get their houses in order, We'll go back to our friends at the old brick and mortar. We'll schmooze with the clerks, with the cashiers we'll caper And pay for our orders with old–fashioned paper! Huh?E–'s not just the Net! There's no irony finer Than when Ma Who and I tried to order some china In person, no less, at a pre–Christmas sale At a Bon Marché store. We were ready to bail When a clerk typed things out on an old green display Whose response was a full quarter–hour's delay. You can't e–scape e–commerce. You might as well face it. It's now to the point where we Who–folk embrace it. So we point and we click and we hope for the best, And if there's no big hassle, why, we think we're blessed. Say the Glitches, "We'll fix it!" Say we Whos, "Oh yeah? Sure! We're just lucky that Christmas doesn't come from a store. forbes.com