To: marilyn who wrote (1651 ) 1/13/2001 1:30:20 PM From: lee kramer Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 6445 DAYTRADING: The Highs and the Woes 1/13/01 I needed courage to see Doc Kronkite this week. So I dragged Dortmunder with me. He didn't want to go of course. "I cannot abide that chap," said Dortmunder in his clipped British accent. "He is a a rogue, a rapscallion, a mountbank." "But Dortmunder!" I cried, "He's my shrink. I need him. Please come with me." Dortmunder snorted a few "harumphs", but stout fellow that he is, the little guy donned his greatcoat, his bowler and his bumbershoot and said "I shall accompany you, but I'll drive. You are in frightful condition." I could not disagree. I was shaking, I was sweating. I was a wreck. I flew into Doc Kronkite's office, jumped on his lumpy couch and began sobbing. "What is it this week?" asked the doc. "Another bout of insomnia? A bad trading week? Another case of premature congratulations in the conjugal bed? Talk on me already." "It's the dream." I said, sniffling. "It's good you came to me. I know all about dreams. I'm a specialist you know." "I know doc." "Is it the dream where you're pitching for the Red Sox in the World Series in front of 35,000 people and you're naked?" he asked. "No doc." "Is it the dream where you're falling from a great height and when you land on your back you wake up with a bounce?" "No doc, not that one." "Is it the one where Regis Philbin is chasing you screaming for a Final Answer and you're running in cement galoshes through a field of molasses?" "No doc." "Mmm. That's all the dreams Freud analyzed. We got a real problem here" he said pulling at his hair. "So tell me what you dreamed." "Doc, it was awful. Every night the same dream. Suzy has to shake me awake. I'm in a cold sweat and my heart is ploppitating. You gotta help me doc. I've been up for forty-eight hours straight doc. I'm afraid to go to sleep. And I'm running out of coffee." "The dream. Tell on me already the dream." "Indeed." said Dortmunder, "Relate the dream so I can get back to my scones and charts." "Well doc, I dream that I'm no longer a day trader. I'm a...I'm a...Doc, I can't say it. It's too terrible." "You are among friends" said Kronkite, giving Dortmunder a condescending and extremely dirty look. "You can say anything. I promise it shall not leave this room." I took a deep breath. "Doc, I dreamed I was an INVESTOR! It was terrifying." Doc Kronkite snorted. Dortmunder, always in control, always unruffled as the British tend to be shook me to the core when I saw a look of shock on his always stoic countenance. "Details. Details I need of your dream. Leave nothing out." said Kronkite. "I dream that I toss all my charts into the wood burning stove. I dream that I close my on-line daytrading accounts and open accounts with Merrill Lynch, Prudential and A.G. Edwards. Then I'm on the phone talking to Joe Battipaglia and Larry Kudlow. They're all giving me stocks to buy. And I'm buying everything. Doc, it was dreadful." "Continue." "It gets worse. I begin to follow the analysts. Their upgrades and downgrades. I've got 500 shares of AMAZON in the dream that I bought at 110. But I dump 'em all at 15 when I hear an analyst downgrade the stock from a 'Strong Buy' to an 'Accumulate.' Then I begin subscribing to dozens of newsletters and brokerage reports." I began sobbing again. When I was able to compose myself I continued. "Then I began analyzing income statements, balance sheets and whisper numbers. And earnings. And price earnings ratios. I bought stock after stock. But they kept dropping. And then I did a terrible thing doc. It was so dreadful I can't tell you doc." "You can tell me. You MUST tell me. Dream analysis is my specialty. How can I cure you without full disclosure?" "You think you can cure me doc?" I asked with a glimmer of hope. "Of course I can cure you. You don't get to the top of the shrinking game without curing." Dortmunder snorted again. "Well doc" I began "This is where it really gets frightening. Doc, In my dream I turned on CNBC. Listened to everything, began taking notes even. I bought every rumor that Maria passed along. If Tom Costello was frowning I sold. If Bob Pisani was smiling I bought. When Mark reported that the futures were up in pre-market trading I was happy and bought. If they were down I was worried. And doc, I was always fully invested, carried everything over every night. I was so worried about how they'd open the next day that even in my dream I couldn't sleep. Doc, it was frightful." "The cure is simple" said Kronkite. "You're mind is blocked. The only way to unblock a blocked mind is to unblock the body. A high-colonic twice a day, an enema three times a day and gallons of prune juice you should take. That will fix you up. I devoted an entire chapter to dreams and unblocking in my best-seller "The Idiot: Every Village Has One," chapter 92, a bargain at only $59.95. Read it." Dortmunder laughed. Said, "I'll provide you an alternative solution in exchange for six months of scones flown in from Bermuda." "Tell me!" I pleaded. "Do we have a deal?" "Yes, yes of course!" I cried. "Last year was a terrible year for the NASDAQ. How did you fare?" "I did well." I said. "How?" "I traded mostly on the short side." "Did you use charts? End each day fully in cash? Eschew analysts upgrades, downgrades? Refrain from reading brokerage reports? Keep the mute button on with CNBC?" "Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes." "And you traded successfully?" "Yes." "Consider that. Consider too that the safest, most conservative, and paradoxically, the most profitable place to be in a down market is the short side. Repeat that several times a day for three days. I suspect that your problems will melt as rapidly as the internet and tech stocks." "Dortmunder. You're a genius!" "Quite," said the little guy."And doc?" I said, feeling magnanimous now that hope was glimmering, "You've been a great help too. Thanks, see you next week." Lee Kramer