To: cosmicforce who wrote (1080 ) 1/15/2001 5:44:54 PM From: hobo Respond to of 82486 re: winners and losers in a personal relationship. I think this calculus is what is missing in many relationships. We should always ask ourselves are we maintaining the balance. Are we offsetting losses with wins? Is there a way for everyone to win? while seeking to maintain a balance in the mutual benefit of a relationship is certainly always a good goal, it is by far not easily achieved. for one, there can be misconceptions or misunderstandings of expectations that could last for years. while this takes place, not once the existence of ill will or dishonesty could be present. your continuous checks, of who wins and who loses while commendable, they may not give you a true read of the relationships as it will stand in the future. not in all cases at least. perhaps in your case, it has. personal relationships are dynamic, differences may grow larger than expected, and not be visible for a long while. is it fair ? have the participants not been truthful or simply things change ? who knows, every case is different. to me the concept of win/loss represents a competition, a contest. i simply do not view a personal relationship in this light. i can understand the value of periodic checks in terms of the value of the relationship to each other, but not as a win/loss record keeping. part of the "intent to win", competitively speaking, has to do with "defeating the other. i simply do not view it this way in a relationship. just my view. ____________ edit grub 1133 (that is a nice "coupled" number) --i guess it is a tie then 13 13 -- nice balance eh ? then again.. it could be 11 33 someone wins it is relative to the perspective.