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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Justin C who wrote (58430)	2/6/2001 2:54:36 PM
From: Ish	Respond to of 71178

<<with Ish describing his pine-shaving-shortage-inspired innovation of bedding his horses in Shredded Wheat.>> Might have to go to wheat straw.

To: Justin C who wrote (58430)	2/7/2001 1:38:32 AM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 71178

Speaking of regular programming, Ammo introduced me to an interesting TV channel tonight. There was a little old nun-- the kind we used to have in school and catechism- in full nun regalia - and she was holding up a picture of Our Lady of Lourdes. "Here's Bernadette with Our Lady again," she says, patting the picture lovingly. "Just like in the movie you saw years ago." Under her the screen displays: #324- Visitation at Lourdes- 20.00. I crack up. Is this SNL? COmedy Central? MAD? No mom- this is real, Ammo says. Ammo the kidder- I mean this was great material. The little nun is very serious. She pulls out a book. "It would be better if children read more and watched less Satanic television." she said sternly, and somewhat ironically, I think, given that she is hawking her wares on the evil screen; funny stuff. She shows us four more books on Our Lady of Lourdes. THis seems very long for a skit. "Wasn't Bernadette pretty? She was very bright, although she didn't always act it." she sighs, leaving us dying to know what deficiencies poor Bernadette exhibited. She was probably fine. Those nuns were really into making you feel inadequate. She says after the commercial she's going to show us holy rosaries. It wasn't COmedy Central. It was the Religious Home Shopping Network. Really. I kid you not. The announcer said, "We'll be right back with Mother after these messages." After the commercial, we got a chance to buy rosaries with real water from Lourdes in them. "How do you know it's really water from Lourdes?" she asks. "Well, you don't. But look how pretty the beads are. They're blue and pearl." she holds them up. "well, they aren't really pearl. They just look like pearl." Her hands are very old. She is so serious and so sincere. We find we like her. "What are those for?" Ammo is fascinated. I try to explain- how can you though? THe rituals, novenas, the mysteries, the Stations of the Cross. He is now more than fascinated; they 're showing statues of the crucified Christ over an altar, blood dripping, arms distorted, crown of thorns. He is horrified. He can't believe I grew up exposed to this. He thinks I was brainwashed as a child. Yes, I tell him, it's true, of course, I was. He says that telling children that the Virgin Mary might appear in their backyards is child abuse. Yes, but I prayed a lot to my glow in the dark statue of Mary with my glow in the dark rosary, begging her not to appear at the foot of my bed, I tell him. I still sleep with a sheet over my head. The sweet nun only wants 25.00 for the rosary. He says, mom, you know now this is a lot of hooey, right? Sure, I say. But I realize as I say it that deep down I still hear a voice yelling at me, "You're going to hell for that!!"