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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: epicure who wrote (58693)2/18/2001 6:28:27 PM
From: Rambi  Read Replies (4) | Respond to of 71178
 
In the cool predawn mist, she approached the cabin quietly. Under one shapely arm she carried a sign, the words turned inward. Only wisps of her long golden curls escaped from under the hood of the heavy cape she wore for traveling. The customary grace of her motions seemed strangely slow and muted, and her head was bowed, as if in mourning. Perhaps this was why she at first failed to notice the slender banner of smoke rising from the chimney on the roof of the old cottage.
INstead, what first caught her attention was an unusual odor. What was it? She lifted her azure gaze and pushed the cape back with a slender hand, revealing her perfect profile with the delicate nostrils flaring as she tried to place the smell. It was-- it was- yes-
Goats.
There were goat turds in the yard.
It couldn't be- after all, no one on SI hauled goats around with them but one person, and she had been glimpsed only briefly in DARia over the past few months.
It was then that she noticed the smoke rising above the roof and in her confusion at first thought that perhaps trespassers were firing up the old barbeque and roasting some stolen goats.
She placed the sign on the grass and swung the uzi from her shoulder. From the waistband of her old leather thong, swung a soft bag of newly minted gummi ammunition and she paused a moment to check that all was ready before creeping closer to the cabin.

She edged along the porch where she paused briefly to pick up a chicken feather; she sniffed it, and realized that it was not just some commonplace Colonel Sanders poultry, but a very unusual alien fowl. Things were getting weirder and she felt her slim body grow tense as she drew alongside the front window and noted that the curtains had been drawn back. This seemed an odd bit of behavior for trespassers, and she frowned, puzzled for a moment, until she heard the sound of applause and laughter from inside.
Then a voice began reciting- no- it couldn't be--
Poetry?
She almost dropped the uzi in amazement. What was going on here? Peering around the window, she was stunned to see X, the woman she had always wished had created her instead of that wimpy She Who Believed In Romance Novel Descriptors penni, praising a blushing, gratified Justin.

COuld this possibly be? Was that Lather twirling his Casull? Croc petting a large horned goat? Justin reading poetry aloud? Charley was handing The Q-Man a DOs Equis and the large Chicken was looking suspiciously at a big black Crow, who gazed with poetic beady eye right back at him. Ish and Choose were in a corner with a dictionary talking about cocks- how vulgar- oh wait- that was cockles.

Bemused, she backed away from the window and trod on a foot.

"Ow! Why don't you walk facing forward like normal people?" said a voice she knew far too well. She turned toward the woman who stood behind her holding a suitcase and wearing an Ithaca College baseball cap. "And for heaven's sake, put the gun away before you scare everyone." She Who Never Minded Her Own Business narrowed her eyes at Rambi's traveling cape. "And where do you think you're going?"

Resisting the urge to stuff some gummibears in someone's big mouth, she put on her most superior look, "I was checking out a report that there were trespassers at the place, and since you had left it for the weekend, there was no one else to take care of things."

"OH? Is that why you were carrying this around with you?" She Who Deserved to Be Tied Naked to a Red Ant Mound waved the posterboard sign in front of Rambi's face. The words were easily read now in the pale light of the dawn. FOR SALE.

"I never saw that before in my life," sniffed Rambi. "And since everything looks fine here, I'm going back to the cave."

penni smirked at her. "Good. I'll be up later for a glass of chardonnay, but first I have some welcoming to do." She looked in the window, "Oh for heaven's sake, who let the goddamn goat in the house."

Rambi snickered and stepped off the porch with a theatrical flair, throwing back her long cape. It was an excellent exit, until she heard a faintly mushy sound and looked down at her high-heeled thigh high boots where a goat souvenir was disgustingly and firmly impaled.
It was difficult to do it, but she managed to keep her head high, in spite of the giggles she heard from the porch as she left.