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To: Savant who wrote (4178)2/22/2001 11:41:45 PM
From: Apex  Respond to of 4201
 
the groom lost his virginity at the stag

=====

Stag night pool cue jape leaves
groom in agony

A rugby player on his stag night was left in agony when his
pals' joke involving a pool cue went too far.

Steven Rowley, 30, was strapped spreadeagled and naked
to a pool table and assaulted with a pool cue at his club in
Kelso.

Rowley suffered serious internal injuries and had to be
helped home to his wife-to-be Deborah Rushton. He later
underwent emergency treatment.

Police have confirmed they are investigating the incident at
the Poynder Park club rooms of the Premiership Division
Two side, reports the Daily Record.

Witnesses said they had been stunned by the ferocity of the
assault.

One man said: "There did not seem to be any malice. At
first, it started off as a piece of fun but it very quickly got out
of hand.

"Steven is a big strong boy but they held him down on the
pool table and it was like a whole crowd was attacking him.

"I have heard of stag night high-jinks but this takes it to a
new league. It was an horrific incident. "

The couple's marriage on Saturday is to go ahead. The
Kelso club pledged a full investigation.



To: Savant who wrote (4178)2/22/2001 11:54:31 PM
From: Apex  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 4201
 
one more for the road...

cat food chef

=====

Canine 'chef' sparks house fire

A dog in Chicago almost burned down the family home
when he tried cooking his own dinner.

The chocolate labrador named Bear knocked a bag of dog
food on to the cooking hob and managed to turn on the
burner.

His owners say it must have been an accident because he
is so lazy he usually struggles to get off the couch.

It all happened while the Lemme family were at church and
when they came home they found the house filled with
smoke and the kitchen destroyed.

Bear was cowering in the basement but otherwise
unharmed, reports the Chicago Tribune.



To: Savant who wrote (4178)3/6/2001 10:53:46 PM
From: Apex  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 4201
 
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET
=======================================

ELEMENT: Women
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg

OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly handled
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent
reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly in saturation of
alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact
with each other.