To: jim black who wrote (2420 ) 3/16/2001 10:41:02 PM From: TobagoJack Respond to of 74559 Hi Jim, I am thankfully nearly out of pocket with these quotes. Chugs, Jay Handy Guide to Modern Sciences (a) If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology (b) If it stinks, it's chemistry (c) If it doesn't work, it's physics (d) If it is vague, it’s economics (e) If it is rigged, it’s finance (f) If it is bonds, it's Grossman (g) If it is stocks, it's Buffet (h) If it is intimation to sell, it's Larry Ellison and for physicians, Matz's Warning Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble. Consultants, and I am one ... Those who can do, do, who cannot do, teach, who cannot teach, consult Three consultants on the street corner would be like three dogs sniffing each other's balls Consultant would wash his car to hope making it rain MacDonald's Second Law Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them. Horngren's Observation (Generalized) The real world is a special case. Hawkin's Theory Of Progress Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong. Manly's Maxim Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Finagle's First Law If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. Finagle's Second Law No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to: (a) Misinterpret it; (b) Fake it; or (c) believe it supports his own pet theory. Finagle's Third Law In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. Finagle's Fourth Law Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. Law Of The Perversity Of Nature You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. Law Of Selective Gravity An object will fall so as to do the most damage. Jenning's Corollary To The Law Of Selective Gravity The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet. Law Of Research Enough research will tend to support your theory. Maier's Law If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. Peer's Law The solution to the problem changes the problem. Bokonon's Advice Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. Churchill's Commentary On Man Man will occasionally stumble over truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. Conway's Law In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired. Chugs, Jay