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To: Clappy who wrote (2571)	3/19/2001 7:50:55 PM
From: Dalin	Respond to of 104191

Hi Clapster! How bout some sailing words? Amidships - condition of being surrounded by boats. Anchor - a device designed to bring up mud samples from the bottom at inopportune or unexpected times. Anchor Light - a small light used to discharge the battery before daylight. Berth - a little addition to the crew. Boom - sometimes the result of a surprise jibe. Bottom Paint - what you get when the cockpit seats are freshly painted. Chart - a type of map which tells you exactly where you are aground. Clew - an indication from the skipper as to what he might do next. Companionway - a double berth. Dead Reckoning - a course leading directly to a reef. Deadrise - getting up to check the anchor at 0300. Deviation - any departure from the Captain’s orders. Dinghy - the sound of the ship’s bell. Displacement - when you dock your boat and can’t find it later. Estimated Position - a place you have marked on the chart where you are sure you are not. First Mate - crew member necessary for skippers to practice shouting instructions to. Foul Wind - breeze produced by flying turkey. Freeboard - food and liquor supplied by the owner. Headway - what you are making if you can’t get the toilet to work. Heave-Ho - what you do when you’ve eaten too much Ho. Jibe - either you like it or you don’t and it gets you. Keel - term used by 1st mate after too much heel by skipper. Landlubber - anyone on board who wishes he were not. Latitude - the number of degrees off course allowed a guest. Mast - religious ritual used before setting sail. Mizzen - an object you can’t find. Ram - an intricate docking maneuver sometimes used by experienced skippers. Rhumb Line - two or more crew members waiting for a drink. Sheet - cool, damp, salty night covering. Shroud - equipment used in connection with a wake. Starboard - special board used by skippers for navigation(usually with "Port" on the opposite side.) Swell - a wave that’s just great. Square Rigger - a rigger over 30. Top Ten Things Overheard During the Clinton/Kennedy Sailing Trip 10. No, Bill, I'm not seasick -- I always throw up this time of day 9. Isn't there a way to catch fish that are already fried? 8. We're listing to the left -- get Ted's head back to the center of the boat 7. Who wants another Chivas and salt water? 6. The main sail just ripped -- Senator, can we borrow your pants? 5. This time I'll be Captain Steubing and you can be Gopher 4. If you're outside U.S. waters, it's technically not adultery 3. That's not a doughnut, Mr. President -- it's a life preserver 2. Isn't a case of Jim Beam a bit much for a 30-minute boat ride? 1. Ship ahoy, Captain Tubby! :0) Ramblin n da waves

To: Clappy who wrote (2571)	3/19/2001 8:04:49 PM
From: Dalin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 104191

Some Tings That Make You Go ..... Hmmmmm Consider This... Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?" What do you do when you see and endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs. People Do Not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ... even your heart! Only 7% of the population are lefties. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute. Babies are born without knee caps They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines. (not with the "new era" internet<g>) The toothbrush was invented in 1498. The average housefly lives for one month. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute. Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? A bus station is where a bus stops A train station is where a train stops On my desk I have a work station..... Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a nonprophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? I must always remember that I am unique... Just like everyone else. Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window? Does fuzzy logic tickle? If they arrest the Energizer bunny, would they charge it with battery? I think everyone has a photographic memory: its just that some of us are out of film I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. How come you never hear about gruntled employees? How much faith does it take to be an atheist? I don't have a solution but I admire your problem. How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges? If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead."? If vegetable oil comes from vegetables where does baby oil come from? Okay who stopped payment on my reality check? Is the hardness of butter proportional to the softness of bread? I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I am in the bathroom What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Co. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? Why is the word abbreviation so long? Why do trucks which haul gasoline run on diesel fuel? :0) Ramblin@whyaskwhy.com

To: Clappy who wrote (2571)	3/19/2001 8:14:29 PM
From: abuelita	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 104191

I've got a great IKEA commercial I'm trying to email you but it's too large and keeps coming back. Trying to send it to Polvie too, but the same thing happens and I don't know how to post it. Something else for me to worry about tonight (g) rosalita :)

To: Clappy who wrote (2571)	3/19/2001 8:31:49 PM
From: Dalin	Respond to of 104191

Some knottyCal jokes: Me Change?...I Don't Think So! "Hi captain how's the fishing been lately?" asked the local barfly. "Well mate I'll tell ya. I lost $5000 last month and $10,000 the month before that. I owe the bank more than I'll ever be able to pay back and half my crew left me because I haven't paid them in over a month." "Blimy", said the barfly, " why don't you sell your boat and get out?" "That's crazy!", said the captain, "I've got to make a living don't I ?" . . . The Staff of Life The mess officer was upset because the sailors were not eating the bread. Some of the sailors complained that the bread was too hard. The officer said, "if the mayflower crew on their voyage had that bread, they would have eaten it down to the last crumb." A young sailor said," I believe that, sir but this bread was fresher then!" . . . Close Enough! The Ship's Cook and the First Mate were in the process of interviewing a potential Assistant Cook candidate. Wanting to make sure that the ship's store would be in good hands and not waisted, they devised a test. They asked the candidate, "If you had to make breakfast for six sailors and only had three eggs in the galley, how many more eggs would you have to pull from the ship's store?" "Three", said the candidate. The cook turned to the first mate and whispered, "He'll do fine. He only missed it by two!" . . . And You Are?? The years had taken their toll on the old sea captain. All those years of hard drinking and life at sea left the old salt with a pot belly sagging butt and a double chin. Concerned about retirement which was imminent, and wanting to settle down with a pretty wench on land, the sea captain decided to embark on a self improvement program. He went on a diet, exercised and gave up drinking. He lost his gut, firmed up his body and even purchased a toupee; he looked 20 years younger. During his final voyage his ship came up against a storm and the captain was lost overboard. While the captain was floating in the middle of the ocean he raised his voice to heaven, "God, how could you do this to me on the eve of my retirement ? " God answered, " To tell you the truth captain, I didn't recognize you!" :0) Cpt Ramblin