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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: haqihana who wrote (135446)	4/4/2001 2:33:37 PM
From: Kevin Rose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 769667

Didn't you hear? It's AG's fault: Benevolent Dictator Alan Greenspan Raises U. S. Temperature Rates By Debbie Harbeson WASHINGTON, DC--Federal Reserve Chairman and True Lord of the Known Universe Alan Greenspan today announced plans to raise the average temperature rate in the United States by approximately ten degrees. Greenspan said he decided to do something drastic to get Americans out of their funk. "What this country needs right now is a more sunny disposition. Confidence in the weather has been slumping, and I decided to do something to bring on a quicker Spring season. Everyone feels more upbeat and confident during Springtime. " Greenspan also reported a second reason for raising the rate: to help counter inflation. "Americans are getting fatter and fatter, but they always try to lose weight when the warm weather comes because they wear the shorts and t-shirts," said Greenspan. "And with this week's news that the NEAR Spacecraft actually landed on an ass, I knew I had to do something. This rate rise will get people's big butts in gear. I have been working out myself. I am pumped and buff and excited to show my new body off. Bring on the summer!" Asked how he was going to accomplish the task of raising the temperature, Greenspan said, "You're kidding, right? All I have to do is speak and it's done. I have more power than even old man Winter."