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Politics : Formerly About Applied Materials -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: michael97123 who wrote (45888)	4/25/2001 12:27:42 PM
From: Gottfried	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 70976

Mike, OT *** investment definitions [thanks to kentm401] Just trying to lighten the day.... --------------------------------------------------------------------- Laugh at Your Own Expense By Doug Kass Special to TheStreet.com 4/23/01 12:22 PM ET URL: thestreet.com Portfolio Manager: The person to whom the host of a TV game show says, "You are the weakest link." Institutional Investor: Past year's investor who is now locked up in an insane asylum. Stock Analyst: The idiot who just downgraded your favorite stock. Broker: What your account representative made you during the year. Momentum Investing: The art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market crashed during the year. Standard & Poor: Your life in a nutshell. Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your equities equally between themselves. Market Correction: What happens the day after you buy a stock. Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. Call Option: Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before email. Yahoo!: What you yelled after selling it to some poor sucker for $500 a share. Windows 2000: What you jump out of when you are the sucker that purchased Yahoo! for $500 a share. Bill Gates: God's banker. Alan Greenspan: God. *With a big assist from Don Gher, honcho of Coldstream Capital. -------------------------------------------------------------------