friday's funnies saturday edition...
extreme warning if you are offended easily please move on to the next post...
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A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by
sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid.
When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying on the bed.
He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, "Where is your
respect? As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."
The girl gets up and start to get dressed. He says, "Where are you
going? I'm not angry at you."
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In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a
ravishing young girl.
The four passangers join in conversation, which
very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young
girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1,
I will show you my legs."
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a
buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to
show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will
give me $10, I'll show you my thighs," and men
being what they are, they all pull out a ten
dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all
the way to her undies.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit
excited, have all taken off their coats.
Then the young girl says, "If you will give
me $100, I will show you where I was operated
on for appendicitis."
Naturally, all three fork over the money, and
then the girl turns to the window and points to
a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"
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Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid
when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she
handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks
tomorrow.' "
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Rules for bachelor orgasm...
Have a place to shoot your stuff already set up...
Do it as much as you like. Don't worry, you won't go blind from doing it unless you shoot it in your eye...
Do hide your spankerchief so no one can find it...
Do it in the shower as this will hide any and all evidence of your perverted behavior...
Do not get it on yourself...
Do not shoot your stuff on a thick rug and then try to clean it up with toilet paper...
Do not use your "magazines" for your spankerchief. If you spunk on it, you won't be able to use it again!...
Do not use Icy Hot for lubrication!...
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A woman answered her front door and found two little boys
holding a list. "Lady, we're on a scavenger hunt, and we
still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone, and a
piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"My goodness," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a
challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
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Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
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Three Canadians and three Americans were traveling to a hockey game.
The three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asks an American.
Watch and you'll see," says a Canadian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please!" The door opens a crack, a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.
So after the game they decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.
How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed American.
"Watch and you'll see," replies a Canadian.
When they board the train the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby.
Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the other bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please!"
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i am moving to a new place for a fresh start in 2 weeks. i will be busy packing and cleaning for the move. i won't be posting much over this period of time including the friday funnies. i also will not be in the TGL Live chat for the most part during this transition. i'll stop in when i can...have a great week trading ahead...
good fortune...
pops |
