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Politics : Should God be replaced? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mitch Blevins who wrote (7564)	6/11/2001 2:17:09 AM
From: E. Charters	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 28931

I think the highest path is always in the middle. This is why I have hewed to the pathway of the fair to middlin' school of divine redemption. There are some 10,000 cardinal rules to attain the wisdom of this path in its truest form. But to simplify the faith for those who don't have the capacity or time to study the depths of learning necessary to attain the path, we have distilled the essence of the way to a few simple rules that any idiot can follow. Here are the commandments and admonishments of the one true way. 1. If it feels good, do it again and again until it feels bad. Then stop and have a cigarette. 2. Don't take anything that is not yours unless it seems that it has been fortuitously left by divine providence to fill a dire need. Always carry a claw hammer for the purpose of liberating those things that have not yet been fully redeemed to the righteously deserving by reason of their faith. 3. Speak no evil of any man unless someone has a really good story about them that is irresistable and it seems to confirm what you always suspected about them anway. 4. Practice what you preach. 5. Give yourself some leeway in practice and don't preach too much. 6. Never borrow money at interest rates that can be adjusted unless you can do the adjusting. 7. Always tell the truth when it's convenient. When you run out of truth, It's ok to tell the odd lie as long as your last name is not Clinton. If they catch you lying It is a good time to admit that perhaps you inhaled that one time and you were confused by the question. Anyway if forced to admit a lie, break down and confess it was to protect someone else that you cared about. Gentlemen always lie to protect others. It is such as noble aspect that they rarely hide it. When all else fails admit that alcoholism had been a family tragedy for generations and you will be the first one to publically go into rehab and donate $X to the Y charity. 8. Never argue with the well informed. Argue with idiots. Idiots can be confused. The well informed already are, so it is pointless to proceed any further. 9. Always buy name brands that carry guarantees. Never remove labels that say "warranty void if removed". Always send back items when they are still working.. By the time they break it will be too late to collect on the warranty. 10. Never worry about doing the right thing. Where would Ghengis Khan have got if he was a worry wart? Short of pillaging all of Asia you are likely to get away with most anything if you act as if it is totally ok to do it. In actual fact Genghis Khan was 5 foot 2, a scrawny weakling, and rode about the Steppes with at most 15 guys on camels, carrying wooden swords and using rubber darts. His success was a matter of sheer out and out in-your-face bluster and having huge cajones. Go ahead. Try conquering Asia riding a camel. It is surprisingly easy. Finally it's ok to go to any church and lie about believing in god. In fact no one actually believes in god. To do that you would have had to met him and all those people who have are dead or tied down in tight white clothing. Even Martin Luther admitted he did not actually believe in god. He did not really believe, but was also afraid not too. This appears to be the best compromise with reality that you can achieve. If you actually fully and honestly believed in god you would be so perplexed about doing anything that you would be in a paralytic state. If you told me that your worst suspicions were that there might be a god of a sort that was totally unfathomable to man and certainly not understood or known by any who had lived or were likely to, I might believe that your were honest enough to stop BSing yourself and other's who were too polite to tell you you were full of it. Besides believing anything is really just fooling yourself that you understand it sort of. Since you cannot even understand matter or time, what is the use of wrestling with why if god exists he doesn't come down to earth and have a coffee with you once in a while. How could it hurt? So he does one day. Nice conversation. Hell of a guy. Funny too. So off you go to tell the newspapers. This should get a million converts. So before you actually arrive at the news building you get some misgivings. You are convinced - but how do you convey that to the reporter? Q: So you talked to God today Mr. Mergendeiler. Tell me, what was he wearing? uh huh.. and ok, like, did he touch on any topics of interest to mankind at large? So like, all he talked about was your drinking problem and the crabgrass and how to consolidate your debts. uh huh.. so I guess that was awfully nice of him but I guess our readers want to know, exactly what made you think that you were talking to a perfect being..? It's the indication of the incarnate I guess they would be getting at. .. and yes, assuming he was some kind of supernatural guy .. not that I am doubting you, Mr Mergendeiler, but could be have been the - prince of darkness ....? I mean how do you distinguish one non corporeal spirit from another if we are merely men? ---------- So you talk to god. Now what? Now you know that he is watching you really close it gets a bit embarassing. I mean you can't really get away with anything can you? So I will wait. I want to arrive at the judgement gate and say.. what the ... who knew? Aw come on! Nobody showed me any pictures of this place.. give me a break! EC<:-}