To: Mr. Whist who wrote (153955 ) 6/18/2001 7:52:18 AM From: Tom Clarke Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 769668 Mounting Democratic Anger: Bush Criticized for Being Genuine by Jim Versluys The Houston Review June 17, 2001 WASHINGTON, D.C.— House Democrats, emboldened by James Jeffords’ recent defection and its consequent transfer of Senate control to their party, are now arguing that Bush has been unfairly resorting to principled leadership, including the unseemly keeping of promises he made on the campaign trail. This deviation from Bush’s predecessor, Bill Clinton, the House Democrats argue could have serious metaphysical implications. Their constituents might even be forced to find jobs. "Bush was supposed to be slime!" exclaimed House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt (D-MO) in a Saturday news conference. "This is completely unfair. The script says that we are to have a president with no central ideology, but they have one. He is being unacceptably true to his base," Gephardt later complained at the Wednesday Evening Club. "It's supposed to go 'slimy Democrat takes credit for Republican economics, then slimy Republican takes the heat for the end of a cycle'. This is how the balance of the universe is maintained". Several of Gephardt’s Democratic colleagues in the House agreed. "What we have here is a completely unacceptable situation where Bush is not selling out the people who got him into office," said Henry Waxman (D-CA). "When he said he was going to govern from the center-right, we expected, no, we demanded, that he simply roll over and give in to media pressures and allow us to define what the center is. And here we have him actually delivering on his promise to conservatism." "Well, Bush sure did go crackers on us" said progressive Ft. Worth-Star Telegram columnist Molly Ivins. "Everyone knows that when he put the word 'compassionate' on his conservatism, that meant he had to vote like a good liberal. Doesn't Shrub know we own the word and can define it at will?" "Where the hell is copyright infringement laws when you needs 'em? Whooo dogie, that Right there is a dilly danger," Ivins joked in her May 25th column. She also suggested an armed uprising by the oppressed, whom she defined as “anyone who feels bad under capitalism.” Conservatives on Capitol Hill seemed perplexed. House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-TX) now reportedly sits for hours at a time in Zen-like contemplation of George Bush’s non-slimy commitment to the Right. Aides on Capitol Hill have found Armey engaged in a “levitation of right harmony” on the floor of the House during votes. William F. Buckley Jr., founder of the magazine whose name we’ve ripped off and pillar of modern mainstream conservatism, claimed he was so filled with joyous energy that he had to "go find Gore Vidal and bust him in the chops" lest he explode from excess enthusiasm. New York Times columnist William Safire told Ann Coulter in an interview in the New York Times Book Review, "We're pissing up a rope in glee." "The etymology in the phraseology of 'pissing up ropes' can be found in the times of Chaucer," Safire added apropos of nothing. "Except for the slight change in the Anglo-American spelling, Queen Elizabeth regularly told the King of France to 'pyss off'. Since hanging was the preferred method of execution at the time, one would 'pyss up the rope' at one's object of scorn" After suffering through a further hour of Safire’s interminable pedantry, Ms. Coulter required immediate hospitalization. Mt. Sinai Hospital listed her as stable, but she still remains in intensive care, and doctors remain uncertain as to when she will emerge from her severe etymology-induced coma. Said Dr. Morton Appelbaum, “The only good thing I can say about this case is that it will bring a new awareness to the dangers posed by William Safire’s self-importance.” Jim Versluyshoustonreview.com