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Politics : Right Wing Extremist Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Tom Clarke who wrote (10449)6/20/2001 9:43:23 AM
From: Father Terrence  Respond to of 59480
 
----------- BREAKING NEWS! ----------

Jenna Bush's Federally Protected Wetlands Now Open For Public Drilling

theonion.com

LOL!



To: Tom Clarke who wrote (10449)6/20/2001 9:49:04 AM
From: Father Terrence  Respond to of 59480
 
Northern Irish, Serbs, Hutus Granted Homeland in West Bank

UNITED NATIONS--In a bold gambit hoped to resolve dozens of conflicts around the world, the U.N. announced Monday the establishment of Ethniklashistan, a multinational haven in the West Bank that will serve as a new homeland for Irish Protestants, Hutus, Serbs, and other troubled groups.


"For far too long, these groups have been locked in prolonged strife with their former neighbors, unable to achieve a lasting peace," U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan said. "Now that these various peoples have a new homeland where they can find refuge, all the years of fighting and bloodshed can finally be put behind them."

Former Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic, now presiding over a Serb settlement near the Jordanian border, was optimistic about the future. "All Muslim scum must die," he said. "Death to all enemies of Serbian purity!"

---

Amazing full story and map at:

theonion.com



To: Tom Clarke who wrote (10449)6/20/2001 10:24:26 AM
From: Father Terrence  Respond to of 59480
 
TRANSCRIPT OF GEORGE W. BUSH'S MEETING WITH AL GORE

Finally released transcript of the private meeting...

AL: "Have a seat, George." (In a derisive tone): "Or should I call you 'president-elect'?
GEORGE: (smiling) "Well, Al, as someone once said, "you don't have to get snippy about this!"
AL: "I can't help it George, I feel snippy. You want a Heineken?"
GEORGE: "No, I don't drink anymore, remember?"
AL: "Oh yeah yeah...(under his breath) "yeah, right".
GEORGE: "What was that?"
AL: "Oh nothing, nothing at all." (Takes another swig of beer). "It's been a hell of a month, George."
GEORGE: "You're telling me."
AL: "I'm really depressed."
GEORGE: "You've got to try to pull yourself out of this, Al."
AL: "Hey, I've been trying. I've been hitting some night spots, partying with rock stars. I just
feel kind of lost. What have you been up to?"
GEORGE: "I'm very busy with the transition, Al. Trying to sort out picks for my cabinet, you know."
AL: "No, I don't know. That was supposed to be MY transition. (Al guzzles more beer.)
GEORGE: "You really should lay off that stuff, Al."
AL: "Easy for you to say, pal. You've got a FUTURE! As a matter of fact, you've got MY FUTURE!"
GEORGE: "Look, Al. Get over it. You lost. Can't you let go of it? The nation is divided, but I'd like to
try to heal its wounds."
AL: "Heal this wound, buddy boy! (Here Al grabs his crotch with his hand.) "You and your damn attorneys STOLE this election from me!"
GEORGE: (under his breath): "Christ, what a major league a-hole."
AL: "This isn't over, buddy! I've got my media friends recounting those votes now...and they'll PROVE that I won!"
GEORGE: "Al, I really don't have time for this. I've got to get going..."
AL: "The truth hurts, doesn't it pal?"

George rises and leaves the room, shaking his head.

Al cradles his Heineken, and ponders his next move:

AL: (thinking) "I bet they're still here. I bet republican operatives are watching me right now. Look! (noticing a fly that has landed on his beer bottle)
"Look at that fly. I'm not even going to swat it. They'll see that. And then they'll know...they'll know that I was the compassionate candidate."