Once upon a time there was a horse trainer named Little Mikey. Litle Mikey was a so so horse trainer and the horses he trained won only once in awhile. Yet, Little Mikey dreamed of owning his own horse one day and winning the triple crown.
So, Little Mikey saved every penny he earned training horses and cleaning the manure out of the stalls when one day he figured he had enough to buy his own horse. He went shopping for a top notch horse but many of them came from established blood lines and cost way too much money for Little Mikey. Then, one day, one of the jockey's by the name of Danny "The Shill" pulled Little Mikey aside and said "I heard you're looking for a horse. I've got a beauty for you. He hasn't run a race yet and his blood lines are unknown but I swear this horse can run. Just go downtown to Boiler Room Joe's Tavern and ask for Mr. Pump."
Well, when Little Mikey heard this, boy was he excited!! "At last", he thought, "A horse that will make me rich!" So Little Mikey rushed down to Boiler Room Joe's Tavern and found Mr. Pump and asked him if he had a horse for sale. Mr Pump replied, "Sure do son and he's a doozy! His name is Gummie and I clocked him at record time in the quarter mile just the other day. Since you're a friend of Danny "THE SHILL", I'll let you have him for just $5!". "$5!", Little Mikey exclaimed, "Why so cheap? Is there something wrong with him?. Mr. Pump replied, "Of course not! It's just that I have no time to train him properly and run my Tavern too, so I've decided to sell him!" And with that, the deal was sealed and Little Mikey happily trotted Gummie back to the stables.
The next day, Little Mikey got up especially early to start getting Gummie ready for his first big race. They trained day and night for several months until finally they were both ready for the big race at the County Fair that summer.
When the day of the race came, Little Mikey was nervous but sure his horse would win. He even got the best jockey in the stable, Danny "THE SHILL", to agree to ride Gummie. While Danny "THE SHILL" was warming Gummie up in the paddock, Little Mikey noticed Mr. Pump and some of his wealthy friends placing bets on the race. Mr. Pump spotted Little Mikey and immediately came over to say hello. Mr Pump said, "Little Mikey, I hope your training has paid off because my friends and I are betting a tidy sum on Gummie". Little Mikey replied, "Yes Sir, Mr. Pump! We've been training day and night and are ready to win!". With that, Mr. Pump said his goodbyes and rejoined his friends.
Then, the signal came for the horses to get in their gates. Little Mikey watched nervously from the sidelines as Danny "THE SHILL" led Gummie into his stall. Then, in a blink of the eye, the horse's were off and screaming around the track! Gummie was WAY out ahead of the pack and Little Mikey was so excited he nearly fainted! Gummie had won the race by several lengths!!! "MY GOSH!", Little Mikey thought, "This horse is going to win the tripple crown for sure!".
So, Little Mikey began to make plans to race Gummie against the best horses in the world in the hopes of winning that triple crown and becoming fabulously rich! The only problem was that Little Mikey needed money, and lots of it, to finance Gummie's quest to race the big races. So, he began to solicite investors in Gummie. The first person he went to see was Mr. Pump since he figured Mr. Pump had become rich on Gummies first race and must be rolling in dough. Surprisingly, when Little Mikey went downtown to the Boiler Room Tavern to speak with Mr. Pump, not only was Mr. Pump gone but his Tavern was boarded up and a sign saying "Gone Out of Business" was hung on the door. Little Mikey thought, "Gee, I guess Mr. Pump must have retired on all that money he made on Gummie. It's too bad. I'll bet he'll be upset when he learns of the fabulous opportunity I was going to offer him!" So, Little Mikey began to round up investors willing to invest in Gummie, no matter how big or small. Anybody willing to invest some money was allowed a percentage of Gummie and many were eager to invest after hearing of Gummie's astounding win.
Unfortunately, Gummie's next two races didn't go so well and Gummie failed to even place. The investors became angry with Little Mikey, so Little Mikey decided he'd better have Gummie checked by a Veterinarian and called Dr. Wexler. When Dr. Wexler came he gave Gummie a complete examination and told Little Mikey, "I'm sorry Little Mikey but I have some bad news for you. Gummie has a congenital heart defect and could die of a heart attack at any time. He should be put down immediately before he passes on this trait to the next generation." Little Mikey cried, "But how can this be Dr. Wexler? He ran so fast and strong before. I'm sure he could do it again if I rest him awhile. Mr. Pump told me he was strong!". Dr. Wexler replied, "Mr. Pump told you that? I told Mr. Pump the same thing about Gummie months before you bought him. I'm afraid there's no hope for Gummie and Mr. Pump has taken off with your money Little Mikey!". With that, Little Mikey became enraged and screamed "GO TO HELL WEXLER! Somebody paid you to say this about Gummie so they could get me to sell him cheap but you can't fool me! I KNOW HE'LL MAKE ME RICH!".
That night, Little Mikey tossed and turned and dreamed of winning the triple crown. The next morning, he decided to put everything on the line and sell everything he owned to get Gummie to the first big race. He bought a truck and a horse trailer and put down his entry fee. He was penniless at this point but he was sure that with his first win, everything would be ok again.
The night before he was to drive Gummie to the race, he decided to make Gummie run a few laps to get him ready. Gummie ran the laps but he seemed to weeze a little going around the track. "Ah, it's just nerves!", thought Little Mikey, "He'll be ready to roll by morning!". So, Little Mikey put Gummie in his stall for the night and went to bed.
The next morning, Little Mikey got up bright and early to drive Gummie to the race. However, when Little Mikey came to load Gummie on the trailer, he found Gummie lying still in the hay, not moving. Little Mikey prodded Gummie and said, "Come Boy! It's time to win the big one!", but Gummie still did not move. "Just sleeping in", thought Little Mikey, "I'll give him one more hour so he's REALLY ready for the race when he wakes up!". An hour pasted and still Gummie did not move. Then, Dr. Wexler, who was checked on a horse in the stall next to Gummie, happened to notice Gummie's condition. Immediately, Dr. Wexler examined Gummie and pronounced him dead. Little Mikey flew into an uncontrolable rage and swore, "WEXLER YOU SOB! GET WAY FROM MY HORSE! HE'S NOT DEAD, HE'S JUST SLEEPING BEFORE THE BIG RACE! WATCH, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU! YOU JUST WAIT!". Then, Little Mikey began to brutally beat the carcass of Gummie with a horse whip while screaming, "GET UP YOU WORTHLESS POS!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME RICH AND THAT'S AN ORDER!!!" When Dr. Wexler saw that Little Mikey had gone insane, he quietly called the authorities. Within minutes, the paddy wagon showed up and two men in white coats immediately placed Little Mikey in a straight jacket and carted him away to the nearest Mental Hospital.
He remains there to this day and generally mumbles incoherent babble. But every once in awhile, he'll jump to his feet and exclaim in a very clear voice, "I WON! I WON! I WON!"
The moral of the story? Never beat a dead horse! |
