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Pastimes : Give Slick's Book a Proper Title -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MulhollandDrive who wrote (147)	8/10/2001 1:20:10 AM
From: mr.mark	Respond to of 203

update from andrewsullivan.com.... AND THE WINNER IS ... : Over 400 emails later, all I can say is: STOP! What on earth was I thinking? Still, I had a good few moments of merriment at your behest. A few of you found the somewhat lurid nature of some of the titles I already posted to be a disgrace. Oh, well. So were certain aspects of a certain presidency. And the trouble with an advance of over $10 million is that you've got to move some product. So a little spice is probably essential. I liked the variation on an old Onion headline: "Feeling a Nation's Pain, Breasts," along with "The West Schwing," and a Britney-style "Ooops, I Did It Again." But this is Knopf. They need a little more class. Some of you were subtler. Why not just rip off Philip Roth and call it "The Human Stain," Brett Easton Ellis and go with "American Psycho," or Will Self with "Cock and Bull," although I felt "Mein Knopf" was a little tough on Sonny Mehta. Then there were the slight twists to established literary titles. "Tuesdays With Monica," has a nice ring to it. "Visible Man" is probably too intelligent to make it past the marketing department, but "War and Piece" just might, along with "As I Lay Lying." (I always thought the Starr Report should have been titled "He Only Came Twice," but, despite a couple of entries, it hardly does justice to the ex-president's long career.) Some were an enjoyable stretch: "One Blew Under the President's Desk," and "The Importance of Seeming Earnest." For obvious reasons, some of your entries had a lyrical touch to them. "My Cheatin' Heart" was perhaps the most popular entry. "Stuck Between Two Bushes - Hey, It Ain't All That Bad" was worthy of Nashville. "Is You Is Or Is You Ain't My Intern" had a certain charm. So does an Elton John riff: "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word." Then there were the movie variations: "A.I.: Ahdidnothave Intercourse," and "Crouching Bubba, Stolen Sofa." Even Clinton fans had a go. A liberal journalist who wisely insisted on anonymity proposed "Taking All Comers." "Impeach This!" has a Clintonian bravado to it. So does: "Cashing In: or How I Stopped Worrying About Money and Learned to Love the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy." "Harlem Globetrotter" is even better. Then there were the meta ones: "I Did Not Have Authorial Relations With The Book You Are Holding In Your Hands: A White House Memoir by William Jefferson Clinton;" "No Dope From Hope;" "I Warned You I Had A Bridge to the Twenty-First Century;" and "Sax And The City." Some just speak for themselves. One punster came up with a Yiddish version of Harry Truman: "The Buxom Schtupp Here." Then there's this clairvoyant winner: "A Mind-numbing Work Of Staggering Length," but Sid Blumenthal already has that one under copyright. If Clinton wanted to do a short check-out counter book, he could always go for "Who Moved My Squeeze?," "You Know You're A Redneck When ... The White House Edition," or "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Little Rock." "Black Like Me" doesn't mince words. Nor does: "Blown Away: My White House Years." Or a variation on Margaret Thatcher's autobio: "Sociopath To Power." In the end, the judges (the beagle and I) were looking for concision, freshness and punch. Runner-up is a Kennedy throw-back. Let's hear it for "Camealot." But leaving sex as his only legacy seems a mite unfair. He was also an unusually good liar. The winner was suggested by several people with several variations. They know who they are. The title is easy: "Is" by William Jefferson Clinton. The sub-title is of course the punch-line. What could be funnier than "Non-Fiction"?