I found it. Read with a sense of humor, please.
August 12, 2001
Tape Tales From the Oval Office
By THOMAS VINCIGUERRA
ONE of the unsolved mysteries of the
Watergate scandal is the contents of
the famous 18 1/2- minute erasure on a
tape-recorded conversation between
President Nixon and his chief of staff, H. R.
Haldeman.
The conversation took place on June 20,
1972, three days after the break-in.
According to Mr. Nixon's secretary, Rose
Mary Woods, the erasure occurred while
she was transcribing the tape. She said she
must have pressed the wrong foot pedal
while reaching for her ringing telephone. But
when she demonstrated the physical contortions that were required to do so
— which became famous as the "Rose Mary Stretch" — doubts arose about
her testimony.
Now, the National Archives has invited audio experts to suggest how the
latest technology might allow for reconstruction of the 18 1/2-minute gap,
which some believe contains crucial information about the Watergate affair.
Here's one hypothetical reconstruction:
[Muffled sound of thumps, bangs, and assorted clunks.]
NIXON: How the [expletive deleted] do I get this [expletive deleted] thing
to work here? Testing, testing, one, two, [expletive deleted] three — Rose
Mary, can you hear me?
WOODS: Yes, Mr. President.
NIXON: Have the kitchen get lunch ready. The usual — cottage cheese and
ketchup. And get the barber up here. It's only 11 o'clock and my 5 o'clock
shadow is already [expletive deleted] out of control.
WOODS: Yes, Mr. President.
NIXON: And send in Bob Haldeman. [Sound of door opening, footsteps.]
HALDEMAN: You wanted to see me, sir?
NIXON: Bob, did I ever tell you about Nixon's six crises?
HALDEMAN: Yes sir, you did.
NIXON: About the time Nixon smashed the Hiss spy ring singlehandedly?
They all said, "Pumpkin papers? Dick, are you crazy? They'll laugh you all
the way back to Whittier!" But Nixon showed them. Nixon showed them all.
HALDEMAN: Yes sir, you told me that.
NIXON: Oh. Uh, what's the latest on Watergate?
HALDEMAN: Well, it's getting worse. McCord and Hunt were involved,
and it looks like Gordon Liddy's in on it, too.
NIXON: That [expletive deleted] Liddy. Nixon has a good mind to dangle
him over the world's biggest candle. I think we should just let him hang there
and twist slowly in the wind. Look, will any of them talk?
HALDEMAN: Not if the price is right.
NIXON: Good, good. I mean, if it's a question of money, I know where you
could get, uh, a million dollars.
HALDEMAN: Sir, I've been thinking it over for a long time now, and I feel it
is my duty to tell you: There is a pimple on the presidency.
NIXON: Oh, [expletive deleted], just my luck. I was going to get shaved
and everything. And I've got that [expletive deleted] televised press
conference this afternoon. How will that look?
HALDEMAN: It'll play in Peoria.
NIXON: Fine, fine. [Sound of two steel ball bearings being rubbed
together.] Anything else on your mind?
HALDEMAN: Dr. Kissinger is waiting outside.
NIXON: Send him in, would you? [Sound of chair scraping, footsteps, door
opening and closing.] Henry, you wanted to see me?
KISSINGER: Mr. President, I vant the $20 you owe me.
NIXON: Nixon doesn't owe you $20, Henry.
KISSINGER: Mr. President, I had to buy my own lunch on the vay to Paris
this veek. I still haven't gotten my upgrade despite all zis shuttle diplomacy.
You are attempting to svindle me!
NIXON: Henry, the president is not a crook! Look, how can I make it up to
you? How about a coup? Chile looks good.
KISSINGER: I'm sorry, Mr. President. I can't keep Miss St. John vaiting.
NIXON: You really ought to think about this, Henry. In fact, you should
pray. Let's just go to the Lincoln Bedroom and get down on our knees.
KISSINGER: Uh, Mr. President . . .
NIXON: [Sound of chair scraping.] Trust me, Henry, just let me help you.
[Sounds of scuffling, rapid footsteps, door slamming, click of intercom.]
Rose Mary, is there anyone else out there?
WOODS: No, Mr. President.
NIXON: Very good. Now call Bebe and tell him we're on for San Clemente
this weekend. And how do you turn this [expletive deleted] thing off? [End
of excerpt.] |
