This is a riot. I've bolded some of the funniest parts.:
August 19, 2001
POLITICAL NOTEBOOK
At Night, Bush-Speak Goes Into Overdrive
By FRANK BRUNI
CRAWFORD, Tex., Aug. 18 —
President Bush has always preferred
giving speeches earlier rather than later in the
day, and this week the reason was clear.
Nighttime is when the vampires come out.
They haunted Mr. Bush in Denver on
Tuesday when he spoke at a fund- raising
dinner for Colorado Republicans and
suddenly, in the middle of his remarks,
began talking about his interest in
"vampire-busting devices." For a fleeting
moment, it seemed as if he might propose
federal subsidies for garlic and holy water.
He was at it again the next evening in Albuquerque, N.M., where he talked,
in slightly revised terms, about "vampire-defeating devices." Stakes?
Crucifixes? Buffy?
Alas, Mr. Bush was simply trying to prove how committed to energy
conservation he was. And the vampires in question were cell-phone chargers
that continue to drain electricity even when the phone is not in the cradle. Mr.
Bush has ordered that federal agencies correct the problem with new
energy-saving gadgets.
But his slightly herky-jerky introduction and explanation of the topic
demonstrated again something that was more apparent during his presidential
campaign, when his days were longer and his evening events more frequent.
Bush at night is entirely different from Bush in the day.
Bush at night is more likely to indulge odd digressions and unleash twisty,
stuttering, imprecise sentences.
"A vampire is a — a — cell deal you can plug in the wall to charge your cell
phone," he said in Denver. It was an inauspicious first step toward
technological Transylvania.
Bush at night hatches quizzical new phrases. In Denver and Albuquerque, he
talked about the "so- called surplus," making it sound as if he doubted the
existence of the very money he deemed so bountiful that a tax cut was
necessary.
And Bush at night latches onto adjectives and doesn't let go. Eight times in
about one minute, he called Senator Pete V. Domenici, Republican of New
Mexico, for whom he was raising money at the Albuquerque event,
"passionate," and Mr. Domenici's passions knew no bounds.
"Pete is passionate about the budget," the president said. He then erased
more than two months of Congressional history, traveling back to a time
before Democrats took control of the Senate, and put Mr. Domenici in
charge of the Senate budget committee once again.
"I can assure you, Mr. Chairman," Mr. Bush said to him, hurriedly adding:
"Or I wish would be Mr. Chairman — should be Mr. Chairman, and will be
Mr. Chairman after next 2002." Not to be confused with last 2002.
An Opportunity Not Lost
It begins with the goody bags. A White House reporter settling into his or her
hotel room in Waco, the city closest to Mr. Bush's ranch near Crawford,
finds that the local chamber of commerce has planted a little paper satchel of
Snickers and Skittles (there's a candy plant in town) and Dr Pepper (it
originated here).
It continues with barge cruises on Lake Waco. The chamber of commerce
has already arranged two cruises for the Washington press corps and has a
third in the works, in the hopes of attracting more than the sum total of two
journalists who have shown up to date.
And it includes the "Texas White House Update," a weekly newsletter that
the chamber distributes to the visiting press corps, guiding them to the best
happy hours, the fastest laundry services and a 24-hour concierge who will
help them with anything, anytime.
Waco, a sun-scorched plain as notable for what it doesn't have (a coast, a
mountain, a Four Seasons hotel) as what it does (the Dr Pepper Museum,
heat), is not about to squander the opportunity to sell itself to the dozens of
reporters monitoring the president's vacation.
And so it has started an intense marketing campaign-cum-seduction,
complete with welcoming parties, brightly colored fliers and free T- shirts
that say "43's neighbor," the number referring to Mr. Bush, the country's
43rd president.
"What size are you?" said Steve Smith, the chamber of commerce's vice
president for special events, upon learning that a reporter had not yet seen
one.
It is hospitality — mixed with profiteering — as big and warm as Texas itself,
and the chamber of commerce is not alone in the endeavor. Stacked high on
a table in the news media center in the Crawford Elementary School are
entreaties from local businesses and organizations.
Bosque Real Estate advertises a three-bedroom frame house with central
air-conditioning (a must) for $33,500. The burg of Clifton serves notice of
the Clifton Lutheran Sunset Home Quilt Auction. Five churches in Crawford,
which doesn't seem big enough to support one, invite visitors to "Come
Worship with Us."
And it is easily explained. Mr. Smith concedes that the last time this many
national news organizations sent so many people to Waco, a certain Branch
Davidian complex was under siege.
A Swing State Swing
President Bush's August vacation in Crawford is affording him plenty of time
for relaxation and visits with Texas friends, all of which he casts as an
essential antidote to the never- ending politicking in Washington.
And yet Mr. Bush's schedule for his occasional travel from Texas this month
seems plenty political. It is as prevalent with swing states as the final stretch
of a presidential campaign.
This week he visited New Mexico, which he lost to Vice President Al Gore
in 2000 by fewer than 400 votes.
Next week, he visits Wisconsin, which he lost, and Missouri, which he won.
The following week, he heads to Pennsylvania, which he lost.
Wisconsin, Missouri and Pennsylvania are all battleground states that were
fiercely contested in 2000 and probably will be again in 2004.
It is, in the words of Yogi Berra, déja vu all over again.
But there is one difference. Laura Bush, who often accompanied Mr. Bush
last October and November, has opted out this time around, staying in
Crawford while Mr. Bush, in his trips out of town, tells audiences what a
terrific job she is doing as first lady.
It is yet another indication of how conspicuously inconspicuous Mrs. Bush
has been, a decision that family friends say is deliberate.
"She's keeping house, cleaning, enjoying herself," said one. "I think her
profile suits her just fine, and I think she's smart enough to know that in 2003
and especially 2004, she's not going to be able to do this." |
