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Microcap & Penny Stocks : TGL WHAAAAAAAT! Alerts, thoughts, discussion. -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: CerealMan who wrote (91928)	9/17/2001 4:44:57 PM
From: CerealMan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 150070

friday's funnies...special edition... You Might Be An Internet Addict If... You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom. Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com" Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. All of your friends have an @ in their names. Your dog has its own home page. You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem. You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL. You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask. Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed." You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0 or higher." The last girl you picked up was only a GIF. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. **************************************** Q: What is the difference between men and women:... A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need... A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds. Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common? A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! Men - Can't live with them, can't play mind games without them! Men - Can't live with them, and cucumbers rot! ?????????????????????????????????????? A nice and neatly dressed man is sitting on an airplane next to a woman. An hour into the flight, he pulls out a filthy men's magazine and starts to read it. After a little while longer he removes his hat. Then he takes off his leather gloves. Then he unzips his pants and pulls them down and removes his underwear and proceeds to give himself a "hand job" until he climaxes. Afterwards, he puts away the magazine, puts his pants back on, zips them up, and puts his gloves and hat back on until he is completely dressed again. The lady sitting next to him has been watching the whole thing and notices the man taking out a cigarette. He turns to her and asks, "you wouldn't be offended if I smoke, would you?"...crying out loud LAL... ````````````````````````````````````````` Since the girl couldn't type, she was fired; And asked to explain why she was hired. "The executive's dong Is only four inches long. I thought shorthand was all he required" ####################################### The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here. Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. (i'll drink to that ;-)...) I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.(who's been peeking at my credit card bills?) I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.(me too!) I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately! "Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive." Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom? Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles! How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?" How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? ???????????????????????????? Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. My sex life is so bad that when I called one of those phone sex lines, a voice came on and said, "Not tonight. I have an earache." Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. ----------------------------------------- A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Better to be safe than....................Punch a 5th grader Strike while the .........................Bug is close It's always darkest before............... Daylight Savings Time Don't bite the hand that................. looks dirty A miss is as good as a....................Mr. You can't teach an old dog new............math The pen is mightier than the..............pigs An idle mind is...........................The best way to relax Where there's smoke there's...............pollution A penny saved is..........................not much Two's company, three's....................the Musketeers If at first you don't succeed.............get new batteries Better late than..........................pregnant *************************************** The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class, "You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod..." That was pretty much the end of learning for that day... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Teacher: What's the chemical formula for water? Sam: "HIJKLMNO". Teacher: What?! Sam: Yesterday you said it's H to O! Teacher: Sam, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Sam: No, teacher, it's the same dog! good fortune... pops...