Was I perchance the target of your trap? <g> Never mind, I'm going to walk right into it anyway.
Here's what I think is wrong about these sexuality choices (gulp). When these are being made by 18 and 21 year-olds, they are acting on impulses and attractions, with no deep thought about the lifetime implications of the choices. This is why I believe a more mature person, with presumably more experience and wisdom (of age), has a right if not an obligation to intervene with cautionary advice and counsel (especially a parent).
The kinds of choices we are talking about (if lifetime) effectively close the door on the traditional concepts of marriage and family. (Adoption for homosexual couples is fraught with obstacles and pitfalls). That is a profound choice indeed to make for a lifetime. When you are young, there is rush of exhilaration in displaying a liberated mind, thumbing your nose at tradition, and shocking your stodgy elders. It's great to be youthful, daring, and unconventional in your lifestyle. But you've got a mighty long life ahead of you.
I had an uncle who was gay, back when it was not socially acceptable, and maybe even illegal. He was in his 40s and living the life of a bon-vivant. He traveled the world and had a great job. He had what were called "companions" then. Some lasted quite a while, years, but over time they came and they went. By the time I was grown, he was in his 60's. By then there were no more companions. He lived in a big house by himself. He made the circuit of siblings, including my mother, for occasional weekends or Sunday dinners, for some company and human contact. He was lonely, embittered, and generally a pain to have around. He died alone, unloved, and unremembered, except for his sisters.
Yes, yes, this is only one story in the Naked City. But if one of his companions had stuck it out to the end, would it have been all that different? I can't imagine what my life would be like now, were it not for my children, and now, my grandchildren. I can only picture it as barren and unfulfilling. Am I saying that everyone has to have children and their own family? No, I guess not, but I am saying that it sure makes your older years a lot less meaningful. And I am saying again that it is a profound matter to commit to that choice when you are basically still a kid yourself. It is not without reason that the default setting for humanity is marriage, children, and family.
We are coming to learn now that many past celebrities were gay, or perhaps bi. Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Charles Laughton, Tyrone Power, Randolph Scott, many others. Owing to the conventions of the time, each of these actors married and had children. There is every likelihood that they did so to protect their careers, and that their true leaning was to alternative sexuality. But ironically, convention forced them to end up with the best of both worlds. They could have the kind of sex that they preferred, and still have families to surround them. Our modern view is that they were hypocrites, and that they never should have allowed society to force them to conceal or deny their true sexuality. But had they been true to thineself in this manner ... would they have been happier or more fulfilled?
It seems to me that in the effort to be non-judgmental and "cool," a lot of parents now are saying to their kids -- "Hey, whatever, go for it." Do these kids of 21 have the slightest clue of what life is going to be like at 41, 61, or 81? Do they ever think about it at all? Is the fact that their gonads are telling them that alternative sex is way cool a sufficient basis for making lifetime choices? Does loving parenthood mean that you tell your children, "Hey, if it feels good, it's got to be right for you?"
I thought E's post about trying indirectly to get into your child's head through a questioning process, was exceptionally sage. J tells me (as an educator) that junior high is the apex of sexuality explosion in kids ... that it reverberates off the walls every waking minute. I have no problem with alternative sexual preferences. My problem is with kids whose hormones are raging out of control making choices that could affect the rest of their lives ... and being encouraged to do so by elders in the name of being "non-judgmental."
So there.
JC |
