The following set of letters may or may not resemble reality:
Mysteries 'R Us
123 Dark Corner Street
Mysterville, USA
Dear Sirs,
I have this neat idea for a murder mystery. I know you'll like it!
It starts off with this pretty college student being stabbed and left for dead two miles from where she was last seen alive. Her thesis professor, who is also an intern at a local TV station, appears briefly on the evening news to give her a tribute. A reporter he once casually dated sees the interview, calls her friends at the police, and rambles on about how mean he is because he dumped her. The police grill the professor for four hours. He answers all their questions, doesn't ask for a lawyer, volunteers to take a lie detector test and give a blood sample, and gives permission for them to search his car and apartment. Here is the part that makes my novel different from the others: the police then make him the prime suspect!
In most mysteries, the police have actual evidence before they name someone a suspect. Not in mine! Even though the victim must have been driven to the crime scene they find no blood in the professor's car nor any evidence he had it cleaned. He has no suspicious cuts on his body, and no hair or fibers of his match what the police found. In most mysteries, the police interview witnesses before establishing a motive. Not in mine! Here they base their motive on what the TV reporter told them about how because she and the professor didn't hit it off it must mean he and the student didn't hit it off either. Later the police interview 150 of the victims friends and relatives and determine not only that the victim was faithful to her boyfriend but that the professor actually had a stellar reputation in his dealings with students. Oops! In most mystery novels this would bring things to a grinding halt. Not in mine! In mine the police simply decide to change the motive. They theorize the victim was mad at her professor for being a day late to comment on her thesis that he had no obligation to comment on in the first place, so he had no choice but to kill her. Bet you didn't see that one coming!
I figured before I told you the surprise ending I'd see if you were interested. I hope you understand.
Very truly yours,
Paul Stride
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Dear Paul,
Thank you for considering Mysteries 'R Us. While it is our policy not to turn down any author for publication, we do have certain general guidelines we like our books to follow.
Specifically, does your novel take place in the United States? We're thinking perhaps you might consider setting it in the former Soviet union. The police could be the KGB, the professor could be accused of being a spy. That sort of thing. As for the lack or evidence, that part fits in well with the new setting, but we need lots more innuendo.
Very truly yours,
Mysteries 'R Us
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Dear Sirs,
I'd consider changing the setting from the US to the former Soviet Union but I was never any good in history. As for the innuendo part, I've got that all figured out.
First the police will proclaim they found cat hairs they think may lead to the killer. Everyone will naturally think they found cat hair belonging to the only named suspect. The newspapers will reinforce this by putting his picture next to hers on the front page so that everyone will think this is a big breakthrough. The police of course won't tell anyone they've had the hairs for months already and that the suspect never owned a cat. When the results come back they'll just bury them. Even better, the police will get a treasure hunting club to help look for clues around the murder scene. Only instead of searching a uniform radius they'll make a bee-line directly to the suspect's house where they'll proclaim they found "forensic evidence." In most novels the police would find something that later turned out to be the murder weapon shoved down a sewer. Not mine! In mine, one of the treasure hunters will spill the beans that all that was found was a drivers manual belonging to the suspect that was looted from his car and tossed in a bush months before the murder.
Does this work for you?
Very truly yours,
Paul Stride
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Dear Paul,
We must admit we've never come across a story like yours. However, we fear the readers might not buy your premise that a murder investigation could be that screwed up. What about the local media?
Very truly yours,
Mysteries 'R Us
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Dear Sirs,
That's easy to fix. I'll just write in a part about how the head of the murder investigation got fired for withholding evidence in another murder. As for the press, investigative journalism died when Geraldo started looking for Al Capone's secret vault.
Very truly yours,
Paul Stride
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Dear Paul,
OK. We *have* seen the bad apple cop scenario used in a variety of other murder mysteries, but it does seem appropriate here. Without divulging your surprise ending, have you considered how to get from here to there? Is the reader ever going to be given real evidence to ponder?
Very truly yours,
Mysteries 'R Us
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Dear Sirs,
Of course! There's tons of real evidence to present. But unlike other novels where it comes early on in the investigation, in my book it comes years later after the university the student and professor attended hires its own private investigator. You see, the state's attorney knows it would be political hell to criticize the police investigation, so he quietly feeds everything he can to the PI.
Years later we find out that more than one person saw a suspicious tan van at the time and place of the murder. It was buried in a couple of lines in a police press release and never mentioned after that for fear it might lead to an actual arrest of someone other than the long ago named prime suspect. Then we find the victim had bought a soda very near her apartment but that the police never asked anyone in that area to come forward if they saw anything suspicious. Instead, they told the national media the victim was last seen blocks away! Lastly, we find out the police had DNA evidence that didn't match their primary suspect but they say he still can't be ruled out even though they've never had anything to rule him in! Original enough for you?
Very truly yours,
Paul Stride
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Dear Paul,
Yes, your novel gets more "original" with every passing day. OK, we'll publish it. An invoice is attached.
Regarding your surprise ending, care to share it now?
Very truly yours,
Mysteries 'R Us
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Dear Sirs,
Ah ha ha ha! Sure.
In most murder mysteries, the police have one lead here, one there, and through painstaking research they finally gather enough clues to solve the crime. In my novel, the police had everything they needed from very early on but chose to ignore it because it didn't fit the guy they named their prime suspect from virtually day one. In other words, the crime that everyone thought would never be solved for lack of evidence had plenty of it plenty early. Even funnier, we come to find out everyone surrounding the killers knew who did it, tried early on to notify the police, but no one called them back. Come to think of it, maybe I should add a few space aliens and make it into a horror story.
On second thought, never mind.
Very truly yours,
Paul Stride
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- Jeff |
