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Politics : America Under Siege: The End of Innocence -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: joseph krinsky who wrote (10572)	11/15/2001 12:56:02 PM
From: joseph krinsky	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 27672

TALIBAN FLEES! OPERATION GERALDO SUCCESSFUL! Apparently, FoxNews' clever ploy to send America's most expendable man behind enemy lines has worked out even better than expected. Instead of the Taliban taking out Geraldo, Geraldo seems to be taking out the Taliban! Sources at FoxNews give the credit to FoxNews CEO Roger Ailes for the energy he put into convincing Geraldo that there were JonBenet Ramsey clues in Kabul. To be fair, even though Mullah Omar's robe-wetting fear of finding himself on "Rivera Live" with Alan Dershowitz and Marcia Clark might have helped cause the Taliban's defeat, some of the credit should also go to the U.S. Armed Services and its "private contractors" in the North. An Air Force spokesman recently admitted, "We were all pretty surprised at how much easier it was to kill the Taliban once we actually started trying to kill the Taliban." Officials claim this as the Pentagon's biggest public relations coup since the Army changed its unintentionally insulting slogan "Give Up. This Is All You Can Be" to the enigmatic and potentially misleading "An Army of One". Meanwhile, the citizens of Kabul are rejoicing. Afghan men have been celebrating by shaving their beards. As have Afghan women. In addition, music has been playing on the radio for the first time in five years, and in a show of solidarity with America, nobody over there is buying the new Michael Jackson album either. Ari Fleischer, White House Spokesman and Co-Chair of the Temple Beth Zion Men's Club, declared the news "a victory in the War on the Taliban, on Al Qaeda, and on that bitch Helen Thomas" adding, "Uh, I mean on all you pessimistic media assholes." The French have also declared victory as have the 1984 San Diego Padres. All this as the hunt for Osama bin Laden rages on, with U.S. Army Rangers reduced to wandering around downtown Kabul yelling "Marco" in Arabic, while bin Laden wiles away his time thinking up clever last words and finishing some complex estate planning. And yet, as the sounds of gunfire fade from Kabul and the decaying bodies of the Taliban dead begin to smell as bad as the bodies of the Taliban living, Uthant can't help but shudder and imagine what might have happened if the Taliban had had a Geraldo Rivera of its own. Fellow citizens, we must not let Geraldo or Geraldo-related technology proliferate. uthant.com